|
Satan To Launch His Own Website - A Parody by Scott Lazar and PJ |
|
Saturday, October 16 2004 @ 12:03 PM EDT
|
SATAN TO LAUNCH HIS OWN WEBSITE TO DISPEL FEAR, UNCERTAINTY AND DOUBT
ABOUT HIS VASTLY SUPERIOR BUT MUCH MALIGNED SELF
~by Scott Lazar and PJ
Saturday, October 16, 2004 -
Lindon, Utah -- Stung by persistent, ongoing negative public sentiment, Satan today
announced that he will be launching his own website in an effort to tell his side of the story without contradiction by opposers. The site, tentatively called bad-is-good.net, seeks to
"dispel the rumors, myths and wholesale lies told about me for
generations," he announced. "It's time I told my own story. Who better?"
"I'm shocked, shocked and dismayed at some
of the contrived falsehoods written about me. Where's the balance in the coverage? God's side of this story
is full of half-truths and vicious innuendo. Journalists need to be
fair and impartial, and at least honest enough to give me equal time,"
he said. "Since they've chosen to ignore my accomplishments or give them an ugly twist, I felt it
was important to get the story out there myself undiluted."
The name of the site has not yet been decided upon. "It's not carved in stone," Satan said. Among the other choices
rumored to be under consideration at press time are
Newsfromwaydownunder.com, step-into-my.net, Blog_o'_evil.com, evilrocks.com, Fud-R-Us.org, GrokSatan.com, I'd-Rather-Tell-It-My-Way.com, GrokGreed.com,
Steal-Linux-and-Strike-It-Rich-what-a-concept.com, Love_of_Money_Is_Not_the_Root_of_All_Evil.net, and IP-is-the-new-Gold-Rush.com.
Although set up in a blog format, unlike the rest of the world's blogs, Satan's website will not allow comments from readers. "I don't want my message diluted with truth. And anyway, who cares what the rest of the world thinks? I'm on a mission here. I did consider having people vote on which name they prefer for the site, to build a Brand X, phony community feel, but then I thought I might be flooded with those goody goody zealots from GrokGod.net, who are always on my tail and never have a kind word to say about me, so I thought better of it. They never quit shining the light on what I'm up to and then telling the world all about it in detail. How would you like it? I can't get my work done. I need darkness to pull off my machinations, and they won't let me have it. Anyway, they outnumber us, and the media pays more attention to their story than mine, so my message would lose again. I vastly prefer to hear my own voice, undiluted, anyway," Satan stated, with a shrug, "and I'm sure I'm not alone in that.
"I've gotten countless requests from people who are in what you might call a contractual relationship with me, who would like to know my
side of the story and have expressed dismay at having to look for my views buried in current biased
accounts. This website isn't my idea. There is a tidal wave of
consumer demand. Lots of people are interested in bad things, you
know," the Devil continued.
"Make no mistake about it, the so-called holy books and the world's literature all tell a
decidedly one-sided story. It's a true conspiracy against me. They unfairly portray me. I've
tried to post comments on GrokGod, but they are always ridiculed or
deleted. How is that fair? God is supposed to be telling the whole story, not just his side of it, but he's hardly what I would call impartial," he said. "In addition, I am quoted in every one of
those books, and that intellectual property is mine, all mine, yet they
choose not to acknowledge or provide compensation, and that's just
wrong. And they call *me* evil!
"Look, get your heads out of the clouds, people. Like it or not, this latest racket of mine, the IP racket, is a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. It's easy money, like taking candy from a baby. Who doesn't enjoy doing that? You don't have to work -- your lawyers do all the heavy lifting -- and you get to destroy the public domain and innovation and creativity and give people headaches and high blood pressure -- sometimes even divorces, on a good day -- and make them go bankrupt from patent litigation and inspire them to jump out of windows when monopolies crush the life out of their innovative companies and steal their life's work. Does it get better than that? Well, all right. I haven't got the GPL/Linux ripoff working fully yet, but wait until we get before a jury. Those dopes will be eating out of my hand, and then, kazaam. Linux will be mine, all mine. Money from heaven. Woops. See what I mean? We are all so conditioned. It's a crying shame."
When pressed for a date for the website's launch, Satan
would not be specific, "We're working on that. It's not like it can be
done in six days. Creations of this sort take time. Who do you think I am? If I were a
betting man, and I am, I'd say to look for it sometime in the latter
part of December of this year."
Instead of hosting the website on his own site, satan.com, the Devil said the new blog will be out on its own. "It's a honeypot," he said with a grin. "I'm so hoping it will be D0S'd by somebody, anybody, spammers from Russia, say. Then I can hold a press conference. I can say that while I don't know for sure who did it, God is on record as opposing me. Hint. Hint. Get it? By the time the truth comes out that it was really spammers, no one will remember or care. The damage will be done. Isn't that brilliant? I amaze myself. All websites get DoS'd eventually, you know, so all I have to do is wait. We've set it up on Windows servers, so that should help speed things up. I need some good media coverage, with me portrayed as the victim of evil, and soon, to turn things around. And there are some other intriguing ideas in the works, but I'm not ready to talk about them yet."
Reached by email, a spokesperson for Satan's opposition issued this response:
"We are somewhat surprised that Satan thinks this gimmick will work.
It might have been more effective to do this under an alias, or using his
zombie journalists to get his message to the masses, so they wouldn't realize the true source of the message.
He's done this effectively in the past. The zombies portray a thin layer
of neutrality while at the same time publishing whatever he
tells them to say. Since he's used that for years, this change in strategy evidently means he must be losing control over the media, that the zombies are no longer effective. Satan must be losing customers and is becoming desperate. I hear SATAX stock has been sinking like a stone. We feel very
confident in our position, though. We continue to believe that Satan is wicked and that he will ultimately lose.
"Having said that, if this website launch means that his followers, the
trolls, stop harassing us by trying to sow dissention by posting disparaging remarks about us on
websites night and day -- they never seem to need sleep and have no life -- if they will now flock to his
website instead, where they clearly belong, and stay there, that would be lovely."
|
|
Authored by: revoltn on Saturday, October 16 2004 @ 12:41 PM EDT |
:)
Ahhh satire - Is it possible to be off topic on this one ?[ Reply to This | # ]
|
|
Authored by: revoltn on Saturday, October 16 2004 @ 12:43 PM EDT |
... until bad-is-good.com gets up and going [ Reply to This | # ]
|
|
Authored by: Anonymous on Saturday, October 16 2004 @ 12:43 PM EDT |
Amen! [ Reply to This | # ]
|
|
Authored by: sunnyfla on Saturday, October 16 2004 @ 12:47 PM EDT |
Boo! [ Reply to This | # ]
|
|
Authored by: Frank Sweetser on Saturday, October 16 2004 @ 01:02 PM EDT |
These are wee little nit-pickers....
....for generations", he announced.
should be
....for generations," he announced.
....I'm not alone in that.
should have a closing quotation mark.
....you know", the Devil continued.
should be
....you know," the Devil continued.
....they choose not to acknowledge or ....
should be
....they choose not to acknowledge me or ....
.... call *me* evil!
should have a closing quotation mark.
[ Reply to This | # ]
|
|
Authored by: Anonymous on Saturday, October 16 2004 @ 01:04 PM EDT |
I would suggest GrokGreed.com [ Reply to This | # ]
|
|
Authored by: Nick_UK on Saturday, October 16 2004 @ 01:11 PM EDT |
I Googled for it and the site reports -> Error: 666 -
Truth not found.
Nick [ Reply to This | # ]
|
|
Authored by: Anonymous on Saturday, October 16 2004 @ 01:36 PM EDT |
I admire Darl McBride.
It takes an extraordinary personnality to accuse so
many people of being thieves and communists, to demand that the entire world
owes him pots of money, to claim that he has no responsibility to show
meaningful public proof for any of this, and then whine so loudly that everyone
is picking on him.
Frankly, I wouldn't have the audacity to pull that off. I
am truly in awe. Hats off to you, Darl.
When all of this is over, it's not
the legal or software experts who should perform the post mortem - it's the
psychologists. [ Reply to This | # ]
|
|
Authored by: inode_buddha on Saturday, October 16 2004 @ 01:45 PM EDT |
*sigh* so much to do, so little time ;)
---
"When we speak of free software, we are referring to freedom, not price." --
Richard M. Stallman[ Reply to This | # ]
|
|
Authored by: belzecue on Saturday, October 16 2004 @ 01:49 PM EDT |
I knew this moment would come! My fifteen minutes of flame has arrived.
Woo-hoo. Finally -- finally an article where my nickname actually makes
sense.
Hehe. Wait til my ghoulfriend Sin-derella hears about this! Aw,
darn it, she's still down at the Cloven Hoof getting her teeth filed.
Wait,
there's Dante. Dante! Hey, Dante! Come see what they wrote on
Groklaw!
-- this post brought to you by Belzecue. No longer simply a bit
player in Canto 21! [ Reply to This | # ]
|
- Language! - Authored by: Anonymous on Saturday, October 16 2004 @ 02:39 PM EDT
- Inferno - Authored by: Nick_UK on Saturday, October 16 2004 @ 03:05 PM EDT
- Not to mention Milton - Authored by: Anonymous on Saturday, October 16 2004 @ 04:32 PM EDT
|
Authored by: lifewish on Saturday, October 16 2004 @ 01:54 PM EDT |
This looks significantly more convincing to me than SCO's FUD - Satan might
actually have a case on this one.
Maybe God should have employed the Nazgul rather than all those prophets. Then
the Bible might be a bit less open to interpretation.
---
------------------
"Diplomacy: the art of saying 'Nice doggy' until you can find a stick" - Wynn
Catlin[ Reply to This | # ]
|
|
Authored by: Anonymous on Saturday, October 16 2004 @ 01:58 PM EDT |
That's fine with me. I certainly have more Sympathy for The
Devil than for Mr. McBride and his associates...
Enjoy! [ Reply to This | # ]
|
|
Authored by: lordshipmayhem on Saturday, October 16 2004 @ 02:01 PM EDT |
Considering Halloween is fast approaching, it fits.
- At home, my wallpaper shows the two main girls from Disgaea hugging the l'il
main demon prince
- At work, the ethereal Vampire Princess Miyu graces my screen.
Anybody else decorated their screens with Halloween-appropriate wallpaper?[ Reply to This | # ]
|
|
Authored by: Anonymous on Saturday, October 16 2004 @ 02:01 PM EDT |
Nice rant, but how childish. You descend to their level with this. So much for
journalistic integrity. You just lost a huge amount of credibility with me.
BTW, this shows that you DO care what the other side thinks if you could post
something like this as an article.
You just showed SCO that they are correct and speaking truth for saying that
they are ridiculed at every turn here. Since it's your blog, it's OK for YOU to
post ad hominem attacks, to write words like "hell" and to mock
religion. Looks like your rules apply to every one but you.
Hypocrisy.[ Reply to This | # ]
|
- Sad, very sad - Grow up, PJ - Authored by: inode_buddha on Saturday, October 16 2004 @ 02:16 PM EDT
- Sad, very sad - Grow up, PJ - Authored by: Anonymous on Saturday, October 16 2004 @ 02:21 PM EDT
- shut up Wally - Authored by: Anonymous on Saturday, October 16 2004 @ 02:33 PM EDT
- Some people have NO sense of humour... - Authored by: Anonymous on Saturday, October 16 2004 @ 02:35 PM EDT
- Sad, very sad - Grow up, PJ - Authored by: Anonymous on Saturday, October 16 2004 @ 02:36 PM EDT
- Sad, very sad - Grow up, PJ - Authored by: belzecue on Saturday, October 16 2004 @ 02:41 PM EDT
- Mocking IBM. - Authored by: Anonymous on Saturday, October 16 2004 @ 02:49 PM EDT
- Mocking IBM - Authored by: Kalak on Saturday, October 16 2004 @ 03:12 PM EDT
- I Believe in Miracles - Authored by: Anonymous on Sunday, October 17 2004 @ 12:26 PM EDT
- Sad, very sad - Grow up, PJ - Authored by: div_2n on Saturday, October 16 2004 @ 02:43 PM EDT
- Sad, very sad - Get A Sense of Humor, SCO Troll - Authored by: PJ on Saturday, October 16 2004 @ 02:47 PM EDT
- Sad, very sad - Grow up, PJ - Authored by: kbwojo on Saturday, October 16 2004 @ 02:59 PM EDT
- Burst my bubble - Authored by: snorpus on Saturday, October 16 2004 @ 03:14 PM EDT
- FBOM - Authored by: Anonymous on Saturday, October 16 2004 @ 03:17 PM EDT
- ok... that made me laugh (n/t) - Authored by: Anonymous on Saturday, October 16 2004 @ 04:05 PM EDT
- Sad, very sad - Grow up, PJ - Authored by: Anonymous on Saturday, October 16 2004 @ 03:47 PM EDT
- Sad, very sad - Grow up, PJ - Authored by: Anonymous on Saturday, October 16 2004 @ 04:12 PM EDT
- Sad, very sad - Grow up, Mr. Anon Troll - Authored by: josmith42 on Saturday, October 16 2004 @ 04:14 PM EDT
- Sad, very sad - Grow up, PJ - Authored by: Anonymous on Saturday, October 16 2004 @ 04:19 PM EDT
- Sad, very sad - Grow up, Anonymous! (Go PJ!!) - Authored by: Anonymous on Saturday, October 16 2004 @ 04:40 PM EDT
- Whose fault is it? - Authored by: John on Saturday, October 16 2004 @ 04:49 PM EDT
- Repent! - Authored by: Pat Pending on Saturday, October 16 2004 @ 04:57 PM EDT
- Sad, very sad - Grow up, PJ - Authored by: Anonymous on Saturday, October 16 2004 @ 05:53 PM EDT
- DESCEND TO THEIR LEVEL? ARE YOU INSANE? - Authored by: skidrash on Saturday, October 16 2004 @ 07:12 PM EDT
- PJ, you should be smiling right now, I think your parody worked :) - Authored by: Anonymous on Saturday, October 16 2004 @ 07:51 PM EDT
- Grow up, PJ? Duh? Grow a sense of humour... - Authored by: nanook on Saturday, October 16 2004 @ 10:13 PM EDT
- The post is still there. - Authored by: Anonymous on Sunday, October 17 2004 @ 07:38 AM EDT
- Hey, I almost fell for it... - Authored by: Anonymous on Sunday, October 17 2004 @ 12:35 PM EDT
- "You descend to their level with this." -- Troll - Authored by: rjamestaylor on Sunday, October 17 2004 @ 02:15 PM EDT
|
Authored by: PJ on Saturday, October 16 2004 @ 02:39 PM EDT |
Actually, this is satire folks, not an invitation to a serious religious debate.
That is OT. [ Reply to This | # ]
|
|
Authored by: Anonymous on Saturday, October 16 2004 @ 02:42 PM EDT |
I have more sympathy for the Devil than I do for SCO.
Anyway, Satan would get some good comments from the denizens of blogspace - have
you read any livejournals recently :/
[ Reply to This | # ]
|
|
Authored by: Maciarc on Saturday, October 16 2004 @ 02:50 PM EDT |
What are the odds that www.prosco.com will use open source software? Wouldn't it
be fun if they used Apache on a Linux box?
Here's hoping for one more infringement for IBM's countersuit!
---
IANAL and I don't play one on TV, I'm just an "anti-SCO philippic."[ Reply to This | # ]
|
|
Authored by: SilverWave on Saturday, October 16 2004 @ 02:58 PM EDT |
“Who's this Satan Guy?" "That website idea is clearly
derivative” Says Darl.
Thanks for the laugh. So funny... So
True.
Oh! and what about SellYourSoulHere.com
--- Linux
used ideas from MINIX
MINIX|UNIX
UNIX|MULTICS
MULTICS|CTSS
CTSS|FMS
In science, all work is based on what came before it.
Andy Tanenbaum, 6June04 [ Reply to This | # ]
|
|
Authored by: SilverWave on Saturday, October 16 2004 @ 03:09 PM EDT |
LOL
SellYourSoulHere.com
--- Linux
used ideas from MINIX
MINIX|UNIX
UNIX|MULTICS
MULTICS|CTSS
CTSS|FMS
In science, all work is based on what came before it.
Andy Tanenbaum, 6June04 [ Reply to This | # ]
|
|
Authored by: dmscvc123 on Saturday, October 16 2004 @ 03:12 PM EDT |
Yeah, I don't know why an anonymous post should automatically not be taken
seriously purely because it's anonymous. If a post is good it's good; if it's
bad, it's bad. Knowing someone's name or affilation doesn't change that.
---
All of my comments on Groklaw are released under the Creative Commons License
Attribution-Noncommercial 2.0[ Reply to This | # ]
|
|
Authored by: sjgibbs on Saturday, October 16 2004 @ 03:40 PM EDT |
No PJ, don't hold back, just say it as it is! It'll do you good, better out than
in!
SJG[ Reply to This | # ]
|
|
Authored by: Anonymous on Saturday, October 16 2004 @ 03:41 PM EDT |
Thanks PJ and Scott!
And thanks too for the comment above, about googling for "it" and
receiving an error message "-666: Not found."
You guys (all of you) made my evening!
:-) *paranoidnorwegiandolphin*
PS: Don't you worry about the devil, even those of you who take such matters
seriously: He simply doesn't exist! For matters of evil, humans clearly suffice,
thank you...[ Reply to This | # ]
|
|
Authored by: AntiFUD on Saturday, October 16 2004 @ 04:03 PM EDT |
For those of you that might consider yourselves to be included, against your
Free will, in Satan's catchall phrase: "contractual relationship" (see
Paragraph 5), have faith in the power of Good.
There are a number of ways of reinforcing your faith and attaining redemption:
First, each day recite the GPL. And read Groklaw. This will lead you to the
light.
Second, re-read the APA and Amendment No. 2, here you will find redemption
through a concept of 'novation' available from a company of disciples that have
always taken a novel approach to integrating differing systems. These disciples
have cast their netwares, as all good fishermen should, to the side of their
boats, as God commanded. They have returned to the shore and are now
distributing their catch (the source code of life) for free and in accordance
with the GPL to the masses. The bread of life is simultaneously being
distributed by another company of disciples respected for the resiliancy and
durability of their products available, and delivered with the source code of
life, under the auspices of the International Bread Makers Guild. Furthermore,
remeber that the novel disciples have the power to revoke any termination of
your licence, to freely practice your faith, that Satan may have unilaterally
declared. And, if you are one of the masses that fears Satan's FUD, then by
supporting the disciples you can obtain 'indemnification' from being caught in
Satan's ****.net, and the threads that Satan may cast across his web.
Finally, if you get no comfort from following the first two scriptures above,
you should seriously consider moving to a country that doesn't respect the word
of Satan.
Fear not; Be not uncertain; Do not doubt the strength of God's love. Have
faith, and as the good book says ... all shall be judged ... and some shall be
found wanting ... and no-one can take their precious intellectual property with
them when they go [poetic licence applied for].
United together we can eliminate FUD.
---
IANAL - But IAAAMotFSF - Free to Fight FUD
[ Reply to This | # ]
|
|
Authored by: stevem on Saturday, October 16 2004 @ 04:37 PM EDT |
<< The name of the site has not yet been decided upon. "It's not
carved in stone," Satan said. >>
Just in case I was reading more into this than was intended. Was the above
_meant_ to allude to the 10 commandments?
If so, very nicely done!!!
If not, well I laughed out loud anyway :-)
Cheers!
- SteveM
[ Reply to This | # ]
|
|
Authored by: Anonymous on Saturday, October 16 2004 @ 04:38 PM EDT |
Isn't Satan's HQ in Death Valley, CA? [ Reply to This | # ]
|
|
Authored by: Fourmyle on Saturday, October 16 2004 @ 05:30 PM EDT |
I no longer need to wonder where to find the site referenced here . Nice
break on a slow Saturday. Thanks PJ. [ Reply to This | # ]
|
|
Authored by: Anonymous on Saturday, October 16 2004 @ 05:45 PM EDT |
Congratulations PJ.! You are gifted with the ability to make a funny story out
of a very, very serious matter. Regarding SCO and their nasty campaing against
LINUX, our anger must be relentlessly focused and denounce all their lies. This
mockery of SCO will hit them straight deep to their heart like a poisoned arrow.
Bleed, SCO, bleed.[ Reply to This | # ]
|
|
Authored by: Anonymous on Saturday, October 16 2004 @ 06:32 PM EDT |
This new satan website appears to be a derivative work of the existing
prosco.com concept. I'm telling sco.[ Reply to This | # ]
|
|
Authored by: Dark on Saturday, October 16 2004 @ 07:18 PM EDT |
I found this funny because I've been thinking about writing an "interview
with the Devil" where he gets to tell his side of the various stories in
the Bible. The Paradise story can be interpreted in several ways, for example.
The Job one has multiple interesting aspects. And what was up with wrestling
Jesus in the desert?
I wanted to find an explanation, some way for his role to make sense. I think I
found several.
I never seem to get around to actually writing stuff like that, though. My
kudos to all novelists out there.
[ Reply to This | # ]
|
|
Authored by: Anonymous on Saturday, October 16 2004 @ 08:49 PM EDT |
So are we to assume that if SCO is so evil to be called Satan, that FOSS/
Groklaw is so good that it should be called God?
Satire is all well and good, but this is a little extreme. Should have saved
this
one for October 31st...[ Reply to This | # ]
|
|
Authored by: Anonymous on Saturday, October 16 2004 @ 08:57 PM EDT |
A quick dictionary search for "prosco*" produced PROSCOLEX...
proscolex:
n. 1. (Zool.) An early larval form of a trematode worm; a redia.
trematode:
Noun 1. trematode - parasitic flatworms having external suckers for attaching to
a host
trematode worm, fluke
flatworm, platyhelminth - parasitic or free-living worms having a flattened
body
class Trematoda, Trematoda - parasitic flatworms (including flukes)
Fasciola hepatica, liver fluke - flatworm parasitic in liver and bile ducts of
domestic animals and humans
Fasciolopsis buski - fluke that is parasitic on humans and swine; common in
eastern Asia
blood fluke, schistosome - flatworms parasitic in the blood vessels of mammals
redia:
n. 1. (Zool.) A kind of larva, or nurse, which is produced within the sporocyst
of certain trematodes by asexual generation. It in turn produces, in the same
way, either another generation of rediæ, or else cercariæ within its own body.
Called also proscolex, and nurse.
How fitting...
[ Reply to This | # ]
|
|
Authored by: Anonymous on Sunday, October 17 2004 @ 05:11 AM EDT |
I thought satan lived in redmond not lindon. I have heard of some imps from
lindon however.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Imps[ Reply to This | # ]
|
|
Authored by: sappha58 on Sunday, October 17 2004 @ 02:06 PM EDT |
It was the link to Normal Bob Smith's site in a humorous point that Satan
already has a site...
So why?[ Reply to This | # ]
|
|
Authored by: Anonymous on Monday, October 18 2004 @ 05:10 AM EDT |
I don't think this is a good parody. Satan might have a case, the Bible and
whole christianity are build on Gods view, Satan hasn't a change for speaking
for himself. We do hear SCO speaking for them selves, a lot!
Read "Job, A Comedy of Justice", by Robert A. Heinlein and you will
know what I mean.
Nyh[ Reply to This | # ]
|
|
Authored by: Tomas on Monday, October 18 2004 @ 08:34 AM EDT |
...I do have something to add...
With the development of ProSCO.net
comes the development of a fine line of ProSCO products...
First among the
fine ProSCO products are two fine personal products, ProSCO ES Cream and ProSCO
Silver.
ProSCO ES
Cream is designed to relieve the discomfort of unwanted SCO legal filings
and comes in a handy 6 ounce tube. We are proud to offer this product not only
in regular strength, but also in new Extra Strength (shown).
ProSCO Silver Tablets
are an easy-to-take tablet designed to prevent breaking into uncontrollable
laughter at SCO hearings. As you can see, it is a Signature product, named for
the renowned Mr. Silver of the SCO legal team. (There is one caution, though.
This product has been known to cause drowsiness.) Available in 90 tablet
bottles.
Lastly, there is ProSCO Composted SCO
Manure made from only the finest output from SCO officers and lawyers.
Available in 10 pound bags in it's full fragrent glory.
Please watch for
other new ProSCO product coming soon!
(Yes, this is parody. One just
cannot pass up opportunities like those presented by SCO.) --- Tom
Engineer (ret.)
Comment ©2004 Tomas@TiJiL.org [ Reply to This | # ]
|
|
|
|
|