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| Authored by: Anonymous on Saturday, April 21 2012 @ 12:15 PM EDT |
Oricle lawyers today sought an injunction demanding the removal of the legal fan
club website known as Groklaw.com following the ignition of the largest flame
war in the history of the internet.
Site owner "PeeJay" is accused of maliciously and knowingly posting
nonsense and then publicly and openly daring readers to contradict her in
direction contravention of the Emily Postnews Intertube Etiquette License.
Oricles lawyers involved in the case say "PeeJay", knew what she was
doing when she wilfully infringed the copyright of the selected license
specification on their platform of software structure patented components listed
in their manual under a number of organised licenses collected in something
called an "API Library".
Oricle lawyer Dyffed Boyo had this to say, "This person stole our stuff,
not only did this person steal our stuff, this secret entity "PeeJay",
who's really just a Giggly shill, incited the whole world to steal it, copy it,
make cheap rip-offs and worst of all, discuss it and, most hurtfully of all,
decide it wasn't what we said it was. We paid $7.4 Billion dollars for this
after a 3 day drinking binge, and so it is our right by law to say what it is or
isn't and how much everyone should pay us for it. Rest assured we'll hunt down
this "PeeJay" character and make everyone payback every penny of the
$6 Billion you all stole from us"
Lead Attorney for opposition in the case, Giggly representative, Rob A CarHome,
enigmatically proffered "It's not what you think they want you to think
they think it was, it's a Dalek".
Our researchers where unable to shed any light on this statement except to find
a reference to an obscure English TV station, BBC, childrens show. This may turn
out to be nothing more than a transmission error.
Giggly spokespersons limited their comments to "Psssst, wanna buy a phone?
Anything else we can find for you?",
Our intrepid investigators managed to track down "PeeJay", but under
hard questioning, she would only repeat the strangely hypnotic mantra. "I
just wanted to know".
When we put this to Chairman of Oricle, Lucifer (Larry) HellItsAllMine, he
responded "Look at my boat!"
Meanwhile, the flame war rages, and some speculate that the Internet will
implode before Federal Judge GotItAllSewnUp figures out what anyone is talking
about.
Turning to our online public opinion poll, it would seem that many of our
readers think the war is just a conspiracy by World Leader WillyG, conducted
through his puppet SCOoby as revenge for an attack that took place in his
childhood perpetrated by a penguin anarchist freedom fighter.
We can neither confirm nor deny this, at this stage.
"PeeJay" remains unrepentant in the face of the furore, while her
spokesperson, Parked Weblink, suggests that the war would end immediately
"If someone just explained."
In other news, GreenFruit Corporation has revealed details of a new product they
are calling 'aBox' that they say is set to revolutionise the world. CEO Big
Jobby announced from beyond the grave in his traditional annual dress "You
can put stuff in it, we thought that was cool, I have a patent on this and I am
going to kill you all"
And now for the sport headlines...
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