Well, I guess it had to happen. Anonymous has figured out the truth about PJ, I'm afraid. And he's determined to share it, so here you go. Feel free to embellish. Enjoy. [Updates interspersed]
About PJ...The truth.
After doing extensive research into the identity of PJ or Pamela Jones. I have
uncovered the truth and am going to reveal it here.
According to my sources, who wish to remain anonymous, the following is true.
But I'm as ethical as they are, so I'm going to reveal them. Ha ha ha.
PJ is not a real person.
Pamela Jones is the code name for a secret IBM project with the sole purpose of
making IBM look good and discrediting any organization that opposes IBM's goals.
If you don't believe me ask FFIB on the Yahoo! financial board. He figured this
out many years ago, but he cannot come out and directly tell you since he signed
an NDA with IBM. FIBB wants to tell the truth and has been trying since he first
discovered the truth. He just fears the consequences, as he should, that the
lawyers will bring upon him if they find out he broke the NDA.
Project PJ is composed of 30 individuals. As with anything IBM, it is composed
of the same makeup as the rest of the corporation. 1/3 from R&D, 1/3 from
Marketing and 1/3 from the legal department. (1/3 lawyers and people wonder why
the phrase "Don't Mess with IBM." is common knowledge in the IT
industry. There are the few individuals that either forget this mantra or think
they can get away with it and challenge IBM. This leads to their quick burial in
paper and soon to follow financial demise. or as Homer Simpson is so fond of
The individuals that make up the group are IBM employees who think they are
undergoing a training course. With the promise of a promotion if they complete
the assignment and pass the tests. They are flown to a facility owned by IBM.
Where upon arrival the members of the different
groups are segregated and placed in separate buildings. The doors are
locked. The three groups must communicate via IBM patented WebCube(tm)
technology. Developed by Dr. FoxyMath. Dr. FoxyMath is quoted as saying,
"Well I thought it would be something fun to do. So I sat down one
evening rough sketched some GUI templates, created a CVCMS project
account, entered some specs, e-mailed some friends and as they say in
archeology, 'The rest is history.' "
The assignment for the lawyer group (LG) is to come up with a realistic scenario
that the marketing group(MG) can use to test the Research & Development
Group (RDG). Goal of LG as always is to figure out ways to make IBM more
profitable. So far they have come up with the following scenario:
1) IBM is under attack from a vicious Monopolistic Super Computing Organization,
2) The various governments are ignoring the monopolistic abuse of MSco,
3) MSco is funding another group the Simple Computer Operation to act as the
scape goat and fall guy for MSco. SCO is a disposable small fry in the computing
The members of the LG are very happy with their large salaries, but the work
load lately has been keeping them from the things that they really enjoy in
life. Like being able to read the Tivo manual so they can record all the
episodes of Perry Mason. The best lawyer comedy ever. There is a pool of over 2
billion (US) dollars to the first person in the LG group to record all of the
episodes and burn them to DVD.
Through the PJ project they discovered the one
thing that keeps them from their goal is patent applications. Filing Software
Patent applications tends to be tedious and basically boring grunge work that
they have to do each day. They have the legal jargon down pat. It is just
becoming more and more difficult to take a very simple idea that has been in the
IT industry for years and write it up so that it sounds 'innovative and unique',
so the USPO examiners approve them without much fuss, yet obsfuscate it so that
no one else on the planet can actually build the thing or realize it has been
done to death already. Filing these applications costs IBM immeasurable amounts
each year. Elimination of this one item is a win-win for LG and IBM.
The other thing that really annoys the LG is that while the MG gets to go to
benefit dinners, cocktail parties, make speeches in front of large crowds about
the latest innovations from IBM, and rub elbows with the big boys in government, they
are stuck in austere rooms making arguments about stuff that could really make
everyone's life better and following procedures. But lately the procedure part
takes up a lot of their time. In the past there were less procedural hoops to
jump through. You showed up. Gave your arguments. Then hit the strip for some
fun. But because of a few bad lawyers like Belated, Stall & Fraudulent all
these rules got made so that BS&F couldn't pull their dirty tricks. So they
miss out on all the parties. The LG has added the BS&F tricks to the
scenario to see if the RDG can figure out a way to make the system work more
efficiently, fairly and quickly. This will hopefully allow the LG to reduce the
amount of court time so they can get back to the office and get those missing
Belated's job is to delay releasing any facts, discovery, or evidence that might
sink the court case.
Stall's job is to drag the case out as long as possible. This allows for maximum
stock pump-and-dump, FUD dispersal and that the eventual day of reckoning will
come as far into the future as possible.
Fraudulent's job is to create half-truths, borderline lies and conflicting
evidence. Not actual falsehoods. That would lead to sanctions and no possibility
of winning the case.
The perfect legal team for Simple Computer Operations (eXterminated) (SCOX) -
population 243 and falling (due to underwhelming customer demand for
products and services.)
The LG has been fairly successful in their goals in this project.
The assignment for the MG is to create a 'real world' scenario so that the RDG
can find the flaws and fixes. The way this has been accomplished, so far, is totally through WebCube(tm). A pseudo
website/blog was created (Groklaw), hosted on IBM equipment at the
Ibiblio facility. All interaction between MG and RDG is through this
real time web interface.
As with all MG-type personalties, they think that their ideas are the best, so
they quickly splinter into smaller groups. As ideas get debunked or better ones
evolve these groups also change members. So the MG is always in flux.
MG's job is to develop the scenario so that all aspects are covered. As problems
are solved and new ones arise MG works the new wrinkles into the simulation.
This way the project can quickly adapt.
In the early stages of the project MG used an advanced heuristic program,
evolved from the original AI simulation 'Lisa' to make plausible sounding
'public statements' from MSco and SCO to support MSco/SCO's position against
IBM. Because the statements generated were so blatantly incorrect, MG quickly
nicknamed it Dumb Machine or DM. MG affectionately call DM DARYL, continuing in
the AI/Lisa tradition. (Note: Because of the isolation of the PJ Project a few
of the members of MG have been craving fast food. While others would like to see
the latest DVD rentals. As a covert message to the LG MG combined the two and
gave that as the last name for the DM AI sim. Whenever DARYL is mentioned or
quoted the LG knows that the MG would like some fast food and a movie for the
There is a sub group (three) which call themselves the Masters Of Gunk or MOG as
they prefer to be called. Did an excellent job of covering up the leak of
information about what PJ really is. They were able to download random pictures
from the internet and create this fictitious individual that would like to
'remain private'. Great piece of work MOG. Totally believable.
The Dito sub group looks like it needs to be rethought. As with any
organization some ideas that are bounced off the wall are just way too stupid to
go anywhere. This is where the Dito group comes in. The purpose of the Dito is
so that any individual that has a poorly constructed idea can present that idea.
So far the ideas have been parroting of the various pseudo organization's goals
and agenda, with totally unrealistic and unbelievable facts and figures. From
some of the posts that I have read, I'm beginning to think this is where the
burned-out members of MG post so they can get fired. Isn't it obvious since Dito
frequently posts that they are affiliated with the Yankme group? IBM has always
supported its employees. So it is unlikely that this will happen. In any other
organization the drivel posted as Dito would have gotten them fired.
The RDG group has the toughest job. Their purpose, of course, is to find the
flaws and find the solutions to the various problems presented. The RDG group is
what you would call the 'voice' of PJ. Anything written on Groklaw by PJ is
written by the RDG group.
[Update: Groklaw's Scott Lazar adds this: Of course, PJ's responses were created using IBM's Artificial Intelligence
Xperience (AIX) product. I guess it comes as no surprise that the Small
Cranial Object Group (SCO Group, formerly Skulldera) is SURE some of their
precious IP is being used SOMEWHERE!]
For some reason the MG seems to think that repeating
the same old arguments will change RDG's mind. RDG has done an excellent job in
quickly finding flaws in the arguments. They frequently present facts, figures
and supporting documentation that prove without a shadow of a doubt that the
concepts and ideas presented by MG are flawed or trivial problems at best. RDG
frequently posts that the supporting facts that MG presents to support their
theories are bogus or Frequently Utter Drivel(FUD). One of my favorite quotes
from the RDG is 'many eyes make all flaws transparent.'
The RDG being composed of very bright individuals has figured out a way to make
their work load lighter. They found a flaw in the Ibiblio system and managed to
gateway the PJ Project interface onto the World Wide Web. This allowed people
from around the world to work on the problems presented by LG & MG, quickly
killing any FUD. This allowed RDG plenty of time to get a tan on the beach and
drink lots of free beer. They rarely share their beer, which is why they are
so fond of saying, "free as in freedom, not as in beer." I guess they
like their beer more than they like the beach. This could also be an insult
towards the LG, rubbing it in the LG's faces the fact that they are free to roam
around the beach, instead of being cooped up in some court room. This might
explain the LG's attitude that programmers don't innovate. Programmers are just
code monkeys. Innovation is the role of management.
RDG did have some scrambling to do to come up with a valid reason why PJ
was essentially off the air for a month. Their excuse was not too far
from the truth. Bad clam dip during one of the parties that the lawyers
were not invited to caused the whole group to need hospitalization for
severe food poisoning.
This also proved to the other groups that the RDG is not a bunch of
easily replaceable code monkeys. There function is vital to the smooth
operation of IBM.
What has become known as 'Red Dress' day actually came from a typing
error. The project groups have discussed, and look forwards to the end
of the project. They also look forward to a second project. PJv2 maybe?
PJv3? Well 'Red Dress' originally was Re-dress, meaning to reevaluate
the goals and start a new. Due to a sticky key, caused by the free beer,
an extra D got inserted. The groups liked it, so it stuck.
No one has known what PJ truly was or how Evil it is. Until now. Thanks to my
sources I am able to bring you the truth. Pamela Jones doesn't *work* for IBM.
She IS IBM. I think now you can see how truly insidious IBM really is. This lie
has gone on long enough. It is time to end the charade.
Now you Know.
Authored by: Artiken
I meant to post using my real name 'anonymous'.
But I forgot to log out.
My machine at work automatically logs me in.
So it is really me.