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The Truth about PJ... or Something - Updated 4Xs
Thursday, June 21 2007 @ 07:41 AM EDT

Well, I guess it had to happen. Anonymous has figured out the truth about PJ, I'm afraid. And he's determined to share it, so here you go. Feel free to embellish. Enjoy. [Updates interspersed]

************************

About PJ...The truth.

After doing extensive research into the identity of PJ or Pamela Jones. I have uncovered the truth and am going to reveal it here.

According to my sources, who wish to remain anonymous, the following is true. But I'm as ethical as they are, so I'm going to reveal them. Ha ha ha.

PJ is not a real person.

Pamela Jones is the code name for a secret IBM project with the sole purpose of making IBM look good and discrediting any organization that opposes IBM's goals. If you don't believe me ask FFIB on the Yahoo! financial board. He figured this out many years ago, but he cannot come out and directly tell you since he signed an NDA with IBM. FIBB wants to tell the truth and has been trying since he first discovered the truth. He just fears the consequences, as he should, that the lawyers will bring upon him if they find out he broke the NDA.

Project PJ is composed of 30 individuals. As with anything IBM, it is composed of the same makeup as the rest of the corporation. 1/3 from R&D, 1/3 from Marketing and 1/3 from the legal department. (1/3 lawyers and people wonder why the phrase "Don't Mess with IBM." is common knowledge in the IT industry. There are the few individuals that either forget this mantra or think they can get away with it and challenge IBM. This leads to their quick burial in paper and soon to follow financial demise. or as Homer Simpson is so fond of saying, "Doh!")

The individuals that make up the group are IBM employees who think they are undergoing a training course. With the promise of a promotion if they complete the assignment and pass the tests. They are flown to a facility owned by IBM. Where upon arrival the members of the different groups are segregated and placed in separate buildings. The doors are locked. The three groups must communicate via IBM patented WebCube(tm) technology. Developed by Dr. FoxyMath. Dr. FoxyMath is quoted as saying, "Well I thought it would be something fun to do. So I sat down one evening rough sketched some GUI templates, created a CVCMS project account, entered some specs, e-mailed some friends and as they say in archeology, 'The rest is history.' "

The assignment for the lawyer group (LG) is to come up with a realistic scenario that the marketing group(MG) can use to test the Research & Development Group (RDG). Goal of LG as always is to figure out ways to make IBM more profitable. So far they have come up with the following scenario:

1) IBM is under attack from a vicious Monopolistic Super Computing Organization,

2) The various governments are ignoring the monopolistic abuse of MSco,

3) MSco is funding another group the Simple Computer Operation to act as the scape goat and fall guy for MSco. SCO is a disposable small fry in the computing industry.

The members of the LG are very happy with their large salaries, but the work load lately has been keeping them from the things that they really enjoy in life. Like being able to read the Tivo manual so they can record all the episodes of Perry Mason. The best lawyer comedy ever. There is a pool of over 2 billion (US) dollars to the first person in the LG group to record all of the episodes and burn them to DVD.

Through the PJ project they discovered the one thing that keeps them from their goal is patent applications. Filing Software Patent applications tends to be tedious and basically boring grunge work that they have to do each day. They have the legal jargon down pat. It is just becoming more and more difficult to take a very simple idea that has been in the IT industry for years and write it up so that it sounds 'innovative and unique', so the USPO examiners approve them without much fuss, yet obsfuscate it so that no one else on the planet can actually build the thing or realize it has been done to death already. Filing these applications costs IBM immeasurable amounts each year. Elimination of this one item is a win-win for LG and IBM.

The other thing that really annoys the LG is that while the MG gets to go to benefit dinners, cocktail parties, make speeches in front of large crowds about the latest innovations from IBM, and rub elbows with the big boys in government, they are stuck in austere rooms making arguments about stuff that could really make everyone's life better and following procedures. But lately the procedure part takes up a lot of their time. In the past there were less procedural hoops to jump through. You showed up. Gave your arguments. Then hit the strip for some fun. But because of a few bad lawyers like Belated, Stall & Fraudulent all these rules got made so that BS&F couldn't pull their dirty tricks. So they miss out on all the parties. The LG has added the BS&F tricks to the scenario to see if the RDG can figure out a way to make the system work more efficiently, fairly and quickly. This will hopefully allow the LG to reduce the amount of court time so they can get back to the office and get those missing episodes.

Belated's job is to delay releasing any facts, discovery, or evidence that might sink the court case.

Stall's job is to drag the case out as long as possible. This allows for maximum stock pump-and-dump, FUD dispersal and that the eventual day of reckoning will come as far into the future as possible.

Fraudulent's job is to create half-truths, borderline lies and conflicting evidence. Not actual falsehoods. That would lead to sanctions and no possibility of winning the case.

The perfect legal team for Simple Computer Operations (eXterminated) (SCOX) - population 243 and falling (due to underwhelming customer demand for products and services.)

The LG has been fairly successful in their goals in this project.

The assignment for the MG is to create a 'real world' scenario so that the RDG can find the flaws and fixes. The way this has been accomplished, so far, is totally through WebCube(tm). A pseudo website/blog was created (Groklaw), hosted on IBM equipment at the Ibiblio facility. All interaction between MG and RDG is through this real time web interface.

As with all MG-type personalties, they think that their ideas are the best, so they quickly splinter into smaller groups. As ideas get debunked or better ones evolve these groups also change members. So the MG is always in flux.

MG's job is to develop the scenario so that all aspects are covered. As problems are solved and new ones arise MG works the new wrinkles into the simulation. This way the project can quickly adapt.

In the early stages of the project MG used an advanced heuristic program, evolved from the original AI simulation 'Lisa' to make plausible sounding 'public statements' from MSco and SCO to support MSco/SCO's position against IBM. Because the statements generated were so blatantly incorrect, MG quickly nicknamed it Dumb Machine or DM. MG affectionately call DM DARYL, continuing in the AI/Lisa tradition. (Note: Because of the isolation of the PJ Project a few of the members of MG have been craving fast food. While others would like to see the latest DVD rentals. As a covert message to the LG MG combined the two and gave that as the last name for the DM AI sim. Whenever DARYL is mentioned or quoted the LG knows that the MG would like some fast food and a movie for the night.)

There is a sub group (three) which call themselves the Masters Of Gunk or MOG as they prefer to be called. Did an excellent job of covering up the leak of information about what PJ really is. They were able to download random pictures from the internet and create this fictitious individual that would like to 'remain private'. Great piece of work MOG. Totally believable.

The Dito sub group looks like it needs to be rethought. As with any organization some ideas that are bounced off the wall are just way too stupid to go anywhere. This is where the Dito group comes in. The purpose of the Dito is so that any individual that has a poorly constructed idea can present that idea. So far the ideas have been parroting of the various pseudo organization's goals and agenda, with totally unrealistic and unbelievable facts and figures. From some of the posts that I have read, I'm beginning to think this is where the burned-out members of MG post so they can get fired. Isn't it obvious since Dito frequently posts that they are affiliated with the Yankme group? IBM has always supported its employees. So it is unlikely that this will happen. In any other organization the drivel posted as Dito would have gotten them fired.

The RDG group has the toughest job. Their purpose, of course, is to find the flaws and find the solutions to the various problems presented. The RDG group is what you would call the 'voice' of PJ. Anything written on Groklaw by PJ is written by the RDG group.

[Update: Groklaw's Scott Lazar adds this: Of course, PJ's responses were created using IBM's Artificial Intelligence Xperience (AIX) product. I guess it comes as no surprise that the Small Cranial Object Group (SCO Group, formerly Skulldera) is SURE some of their precious IP is being used SOMEWHERE!]

For some reason the MG seems to think that repeating the same old arguments will change RDG's mind. RDG has done an excellent job in quickly finding flaws in the arguments. They frequently present facts, figures and supporting documentation that prove without a shadow of a doubt that the concepts and ideas presented by MG are flawed or trivial problems at best. RDG frequently posts that the supporting facts that MG presents to support their theories are bogus or Frequently Utter Drivel(FUD). One of my favorite quotes from the RDG is 'many eyes make all flaws transparent.'

The RDG being composed of very bright individuals has figured out a way to make their work load lighter. They found a flaw in the Ibiblio system and managed to gateway the PJ Project interface onto the World Wide Web. This allowed people from around the world to work on the problems presented by LG & MG, quickly killing any FUD. This allowed RDG plenty of time to get a tan on the beach and drink lots of free beer. They rarely share their beer, which is why they are so fond of saying, "free as in freedom, not as in beer." I guess they like their beer more than they like the beach. This could also be an insult towards the LG, rubbing it in the LG's faces the fact that they are free to roam around the beach, instead of being cooped up in some court room. This might explain the LG's attitude that programmers don't innovate. Programmers are just code monkeys. Innovation is the role of management.

RDG did have some scrambling to do to come up with a valid reason why PJ was essentially off the air for a month. Their excuse was not too far from the truth. Bad clam dip during one of the parties that the lawyers were not invited to caused the whole group to need hospitalization for severe food poisoning.

This also proved to the other groups that the RDG is not a bunch of easily replaceable code monkeys. There function is vital to the smooth operation of IBM.

What has become known as 'Red Dress' day actually came from a typing error. The project groups have discussed, and look forwards to the end of the project. They also look forward to a second project. PJv2 maybe? PJv3? Well 'Red Dress' originally was Re-dress, meaning to reevaluate the goals and start a new. Due to a sticky key, caused by the free beer, an extra D got inserted. The groups liked it, so it stuck.

No one has known what PJ truly was or how Evil it is. Until now. Thanks to my sources I am able to bring you the truth. Pamela Jones doesn't *work* for IBM. She IS IBM. I think now you can see how truly insidious IBM really is. This lie has gone on long enough. It is time to end the charade.

Now you Know.

Anonymous


Authored by: Artiken
I meant to post using my real name 'anonymous'.
But I forgot to log out.
My machine at work automatically logs me in.
So it is really me.

Signed,
Anonymous


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