Don't bother asking me what Darl is talking about. I have no idea. I know who I am, and I know I've never misrepresented anything. I've never said anything personal about myself, actually. I don't have to. I'm not a public company.
As far as credibility, SCO might try to get as much as I have earned. America was founded by anonymous pamphleteers. It's an honored American tradition.
It's an honor to be smeared by SCO, for that matter. It puts me in the same company as Linus, which is a wonderful place to be. I gather they are threatening me and hope I'll be intimidated and shut up. I won't. I just told my mother what Darl said, and she says, "That must be their last gasp I believe." Of course, I must say, she might be biased.
I have heard SCO has been telling journalists a lot of peculiar stories about who they think I might be. One guess was that I was Eric Raymond, with his lawyer wife whispering in his ear. Another guess was that I am a composite of IBM lawyers. Another was ... I forget. It's too silly. They didn't get it right yet, that I've heard. The truth is, I'm an alien from a galaxy far, far away.... Or I'm Shakespeare, who was really a group of American housewives pretending to be an English playwright...
Meanwhile, our own Scott Lazar happens to have done a little parody for us. Enjoy. (For those who missed the conference call: here's where Darl says they are "near the bottom". I'll say.)
Groklaw Editor-in-Chief Unmasked
~ by Boreen O'BlahBlah*
The oft-times controversial Pamela Jones of Groklaw fame has been revealed as to her true
identity and source of motivation for starting the much loved and much vilified website. In a word:
real estate values.
Much to the chagrin of this journalist with a programmer background, it has
been discovered that over the past ten years, Ms. Jones has apparently been engaged in
stealthily purchasing vast amounts of land in and around American Fork, Utah. American Fork is
a scant five miles from the epicenter of the legal earthquake sparked by the Lindon, Utah SCO
Group more than two years ago.
In a joint study conducted by the Yankee Group and the Alexis
de Tocqueville Institution, it has been learned through queries to the Utah Department of Deeds
that approximately one hundred forty-two land purchases totaling more than fifteen thousand
acres, all under the corporate umbrella Groklawco International, have been recorded.
startling than the existence of such an unabashed land grab is the apparent true identity of Ms.
Jones. Transaction papers revealed no reference to any Pamela Jones, but rather that of
Groklawco CEO James Palone. Spectral analysis of the phrase "Pamela Jones" has found it to
conclusively be an exact anagram taken from the letters comprising Palone's name. After
months of painstaking investigation, Palone was recently located in the tropical paradise of
Ambergris Caye, Belize.
In an email interview, Palone has expressed both consternation and
relief at the dual discoveries.
"It's been overly burdensome these past two years wearing heels", Palone stated, an obvious
reference to his masquerade as the paralegal Pamela "PJ" Jones. "The only dresses worn in my
house, red or otherwise, are by my wife. I don't have the legs for them." When asked to outline
his motivation and plans for the land Groklawco has purchased, Palone was forthright. "My two
greatest loves beyond my wife and money are golfing and gambling. For years I've wanted to
marry the two. I don't see any shame in that."
Public records reveal that Palone's first real estate
purchase was in 1995. Following that that initial buy, the transactions came fast and furious,
completing sixty four of them in the years 1996 and 1997 before drying up entirely in 1998. The
timeline coincides with eerie reciprocity the rise and subsequent apparent fall of the fortunes of
Caldera Corporation, whom later renamed themselves SCO Group. Land prices spiked in 1998
perhaps pushing Palone to the sidelines. In an apparent effort to reverse his fortunes, and to
consummate his dream, Palone donned the editor's pen and started Groklaw, focusing on the
lawsuits started by the Lindon technology company with particular pestilential malice.
have been dramatic. From a high of 300+ in their employ, the headcount has dwindled to less than
two hundred, depressing land values in neighboring communities twenty-five miles in all
directions. From 2004 until present seventy-seven additional purchases have been completed.
Palone, who requested repeatedly to be referred to as "Ms. Jones", still apparently plans to move
forward with his, err, her plans. "Of the current population of American Fork, sixty five percent is
under the age of thirty five. They are the perfect demographic for a combination 2000-room ultra-
luxury hotel and casino and 72 hole championship-quality golf course." Searches of public
records and the internet have brought forth tantalizingly veiled references to plans to once again
change the town's name. In prior iterations, the American Fork was been referred to as
McArtursville and Lake City. When confronted with the references, "Ms. Jones" would only say,
"Hey, Groklaw City. Has a nice ring to it, don't you think?"
Ken Brown, who's previous expose, Samizdat, shook the Linux community to its foundations (with laughter) over
the reportedly dubious origins of that open source operating system, is the principal researcher
who uncovered the "Jones" scheme. "The truth is now out there. The vehement shouts from this
supposed paralegal have been shown to be disingenuous and patently FOSS, err false." Brown's
upcoming book, Tadzimas, traces the orgins, intrigue, and corrupt dealings that have hopefully
been thwarted. The book is due to hit store shelves April 1st. It is not yet apparent whether
"Jones" has in actuality broken any laws. Among the many curious oddities in this unfolding saga
is the fact that "PJ" now makes "her" home in Belize, a non-extradition country.
* A parody by Scott Lazar
© Copyright 2005 Scott Lazar