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SCO Sues Santa Claus, by Monsieur Bobo
Sunday, December 25 2005 @ 12:02 AM EST

Lindon, Utah
December 25, 2005

The SCO Group, owners of the Unix operating system and every operating system that vaguely resembles Unix, announced today that it has filed suit against S. Claus Industries headquartered at the North Pole for violation of its intellectual property.

"Mr. Claus was an early licensee of Unix and ran his entire operation on Unix systems," SCO representative Blake Stowell said. "About 10 years ago, he stopped sending royalty checks, and we discovered that he had illegally migrated to Linux".

SCO concluded that he had stolen numerous features of Unix and incorporated them into his business. Mr. Stowell noted that "Santa's elves" are merely an obfuscated copy of the Unix concept of "daemons". In addition, he asserted that previously Mr. Claus had only used a single big reindeer, but was now using eight tiny reindeer instead, an idea that he clearly stole from the SysV implementation of SMP.

Mr. Claus denied the allegation. "The truth is that I was having a couple of beers with my buddy, Donald Becker, and when he learned that there were hundreds of tiny reindeer available, he suggested I build a Beowulf cluster out of them".

Claus also admitted that he had migrated his back office operations from SCO Openserver to Linux. "You just can't keep track of whether 6 billion people have been naughty or nice on an antiquated 32 bit operating system" he said.

Mr. Stowell countered, "We don't have any business process patents, or any other kind of patents either for that matter, but if we did, Claus would clearly be in violation of them".

In addition to stealing features of Unix to run his business, SCO also alleges that Claus violated his Unix contract by leaking methods and concepts of Unix to Professor Andrew Tanenbaum and Linus Torvalds who subsequently used them in their own operating systems. "All we are saying is look at the map." Stowell said. "All of these individuals were located really far north, and it doesn't take an MIT rocket scientist to figure out what must have happened."

"This will really rock the Christmas gift industry," analyst Laura DiDio said. "Given the cloud hanging over Claus, I'm recommending that people give Microsoft products, and only Microsoft products, as gifts this year".

Analyst Rob Enderle stated that he wasn't surprised. "The fact is that I could always count on Bill Gates to throw buckets of money at me, and Claus never gave me anything."

SCO President Darl McBride defended the lawsuit while acknowledging that it would be unpopular. "Look, we aren't all sitting around the fireplace singing Christmas carols. This is a business," he said. "We don't want Claus to change his business. We just think we should get a cut of every package he delivers."


  


SCO Sues Santa Claus, by Monsieur Bobo | 227 comments | Create New Account
Comments belong to whoever posts them. Please notify us of inappropriate comments.
Corrections (if any)
Authored by: nsomos on Sunday, December 25 2005 @ 12:07 AM EST
If there are any corrections, please post them here.

[ Reply to This | # ]

The Off-Topic thread
Authored by: nsomos on Sunday, December 25 2005 @ 12:09 AM EST
This would be the place to post off-topic.
Try to use clickable links if possible.
Follow the example in red at bottom of reply box.

[ Reply to This | # ]

You know what's really scarey?
Authored by: The Mad Hatter r on Sunday, December 25 2005 @ 12:18 AM EST


It almost sounds real.

Wayne


---
Wayne

http://urbanterrorist.blogspot.com/

[ Reply to This | # ]

SCO = Santa Claus Operation
Authored by: Saturn on Sunday, December 25 2005 @ 12:50 AM EST
Its all bluff.
Darl is Santa Claus. He's been distributing Linux to kids under the GPL (Gifts
and Presents License) for years.
That's why all the discovery is has been filed under seal - imagine if kids
discovered who Santa *really* was.


---
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My own opinion, and very humble one too.
Which is probably why I'm not a lawyer.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[ Reply to This | # ]

From the bottom of my heart, ...
Authored by: bbaston on Sunday, December 25 2005 @ 01:09 AM EST
... have a great Christmas, Pamela!

And a great New Year!

---
Ben, Groklawian in training
IMBW, IANAL2, IMHO, IAVO
imaybewrong, iamnotalawyertoo, inmyhumbleopinion, iamveryold
Have you donated to Groklaw this month?

[ Reply to This | # ]

Donald Becker
Authored by: Anonymous on Sunday, December 25 2005 @ 01:27 AM EST
Donald Becker is a member of our local LUG. I don't think that he'd be too happy
being dragged into this dispute.

Please try to respect the rights and privacy of those not connected with the SCO
litigations.

Thank you.

[ Reply to This | # ]

Shame on Rob Enderle!
Authored by: Anonymous on Sunday, December 25 2005 @ 01:32 AM EST
Such an ungrateful wretch. To show his appreciation this way for all those
years being kept warm by Santa's nice coal.

[ Reply to This | # ]

If anything Didio is worse
Authored by: Anonymous on Sunday, December 25 2005 @ 01:37 AM EST
For all the ink she squeezed out of SCO, you'ld think she could recommend a SCO
mousepad or a coaster.

[ Reply to This | # ]

SCO Sues Santa Claus, by Monsieur Bobo
Authored by: MikeA on Sunday, December 25 2005 @ 01:38 AM EST
Happy Holidays guys. =D

---
Change is merely the opportunity for improvement.

[ Reply to This | # ]

SCO Sues Santa Claus, by Monsieur Bobo
Authored by: Anonymous on Sunday, December 25 2005 @ 02:31 AM EST
Must be a slow day for News and updates.
:-)
Happy Holidays!!!

[ Reply to This | # ]

OSS = Open Source Santa
Authored by: Anonymous on Sunday, December 25 2005 @ 02:37 AM EST
Cool!

Craig

[ Reply to This | # ]

And Merry Christmas to you, too.
Authored by: Cassandra on Sunday, December 25 2005 @ 06:28 AM EST
I hope Santa leaves you a sense of humor under the tree.

[ Reply to This | # ]

inappropriate lanquage
Authored by: Anonymous on Sunday, December 25 2005 @ 06:52 AM EST
the immaturity of your response seems to indicate you are the last person who
should be telling anyone to grow up. This board is dedicated to civil discourse



HAppy Festivus to all!

[ Reply to This | # ]

Missing presents now explained!
Authored by: Anonymous on Sunday, December 25 2005 @ 06:59 AM EST
When I was a child, I had on several occcasions been good for the entire year,
yet felt that the quantity an gross value of the received presents was low
considering the level of good behaviour. Similarly, I had fellow children in my
class, who despite a long list of midsdemeanours, received significant present
doantions.

This always puzzled me .. until now.

Old Claus (recently renamed The Claus Group) was running his CRM system on
OpenSewer, no wonder it was always in a mess!

I hear he's now running SugarCRM on Linux, which should be better and the
savings can be used to fund an increase in the present budget.

[ Reply to This | # ]

Xmas Toast: I wish you all..
Authored by: SilverWave on Sunday, December 25 2005 @ 07:29 AM EST
Just getting ready for Xmas lunch with my family and wanted to stop by and whish
everyone a Happy Xmas (exept SCO :P )

Then I had to read this great post LOL.

Its only funny because its sooo close to real life :)

... any way.. thanks for the laugh and this is to wish everyone a Merry Xmas.

As our family toast goes...

I wish you all..

Health..

Wealth..

And happiness…


for The Christmas and the New Year.

From SilverWave and Family

Have a nice Christmas PJ!


---
"They [each] put in one hour of work,
but because they share the end results
they get nine hours... for free"

Firstmonday 98 interview with Linus Torvalds

[ Reply to This | # ]

  • Xmas? - Authored by: Anonymous on Sunday, December 25 2005 @ 04:00 PM EST
    • It's legit - Authored by: Anonymous on Sunday, December 25 2005 @ 07:45 PM EST
    • Xmas? - Authored by: Weeble on Sunday, December 25 2005 @ 07:50 PM EST
      • Xmas? - Authored by: Anonymous on Sunday, December 25 2005 @ 10:13 PM EST
      • Xmas? - Authored by: Kevin on Monday, December 26 2005 @ 12:00 PM EST
SCO Sues Santa Claus, by Monsieur Bobo
Authored by: Anonymous on Sunday, December 25 2005 @ 08:07 AM EST
what do you matter,anyway

[ Reply to This | # ]

Feliz Natal a todos
Authored by: PR3J on Sunday, December 25 2005 @ 08:11 AM EST
Feliz Natal a todos.

The phrase can be in Portuguese, but what it means do not depend on languages...
Feliz natal.

---
PR3J
----
"[T]he IQ of a mob is the IQ of its most stupid member, divided by the number of
mobsters." - Terry Pratchet - Maskerade

[ Reply to This | # ]

SCO Sues Santa Claus, by Monsieur Bobo
Authored by: nuthead on Sunday, December 25 2005 @ 08:49 AM EST
I also have noticed a disturbing trend (for quite some time now). Some people
think what they have to say REALLY matters to vast majority of others and insist
on trying to shove it down everyone else's throat. My recommendation to you is,
take your own advice, lighten up and next time you wonder if we really care to
hear your profanity, know without a doubt the answer is a resounding
"NO". ;)

[ Reply to This | # ]

* Snicker *......
Authored by: Latesigner on Sunday, December 25 2005 @ 08:52 AM EST
... but I can't pass up the chance to wish you all a "Merry
Christmas".

---
The only way to have an "ownership" society is to make slaves of the rest of us.

[ Reply to This | # ]

What?
Authored by: Anonymous on Sunday, December 25 2005 @ 09:07 AM EST
What?

[ Reply to This | # ]

SCO Sues Santa Claus, by Monsieur Bobo
Authored by: techiem2 on Sunday, December 25 2005 @ 10:21 AM EST
Ah! Such wonderful humor. This and today's UserFriendly have been a great start to my day.

Merry Christmas to all!

[ Reply to This | # ]

SCO Sues Santa Claus, by Monsieur Bobo
Authored by: Anonymous on Sunday, December 25 2005 @ 10:31 AM EST
Inevitable that SCO would bring out the 'Santa Clause', I suppose.

I wonder why St. Nick didn't consider a reindeer HURD?

[ Reply to This | # ]

SCO Sues Santa Claus, by Monsieur Bobo
Authored by: Anonymous on Sunday, December 25 2005 @ 10:54 AM EST
Sad that this story is no more or less plausible than some of the fiction coming
out of SCO for the past couple of years.

Merry Christmas to PJ and all! Thank you very, very much for covering this very
entertaining drama.

[ Reply to This | # ]

SCO Sues Santa Claus, by Monsieur Bobo
Authored by: Anonymous on Sunday, December 25 2005 @ 11:30 AM EST
To PJ and everybody here

Nadolig Llawen
Happy Christmas
Feliz Navidad

Tufty
Shortly to be stufffed with Turkey - yum!

[ Reply to This | # ]

Feliz Navidad, PJ!
Authored by: ilde on Sunday, December 25 2005 @ 02:46 PM EST
Happy Christmas everybody!

And a very happy and healthy new year.

--------
ilde.

[ Reply to This | # ]

SCO Sues Santa Claus, by Monsieur Bobo
Authored by: oldgreybeard on Sunday, December 25 2005 @ 03:16 PM EST
Monsieur Bobo you have it summed up rather well.

In keeping with the season.

Health, long life, and good friends.

God Jul

[ Reply to This | # ]

Merry Christmas to all!
Authored by: subdude on Sunday, December 25 2005 @ 03:32 PM EST
Merry Christmas to PJ and ALL the Groklawyers that make Groklaw the invaluable
resource that it is.

Your efforts are appreciated.

Dude

[ Reply to This | # ]

SCO Sues Santa Claus, by Monsieur Bobo
Authored by: Walter Dnes on Sunday, December 25 2005 @ 03:51 PM EST
Actually, I was expecting a lawsuit by Wallace. How can a gift manufacturer
hope to sell anything, when there's this fat bearded hippie in a red suit
(commie influence) giving stuff away for free?

[ Reply to This | # ]

SCO Sues Santa Claus, by Monsieur Bobo
Authored by: Anonymous on Sunday, December 25 2005 @ 05:02 PM EST
What's this thing at the bottom?
It's alright, that's in every contract! That's what they call the 'Sanity Clause.'
You can't fool me, I know there ain't no Sanity Clause

From "A Night at the Opera" by SCO^H^H^HThe Marx Brothers

[ Reply to This | # ]

Happy holidays, everyone!
Authored by: IRJustman on Sunday, December 25 2005 @ 10:55 PM EST
Since I do not appear to show hiragana and katakana, I'll write my greeting in
Hepburn

ME-RI- KURISUMASU, minna-san~!

(My preferred alternate language is Japanese since it was literally my second
language which I learned during my three and a half years in Japan as a child.)

--Ian.

[ Reply to This | # ]

Christmas Cheer - a true story
Authored by: jmc on Monday, December 26 2005 @ 06:27 AM EST
In the bleak midwinter while frosty wind makes moan,
I'm standing by a butcher's shop and feeling all alone,
The faithful make their way to church and look at me and say,
"What is that loony doing there upon this Christmas Day?".

The reason that I'm standing there, the cause of all my fate,
Was my concern at Christmas about the food I ate,
I think that turkey's boring, it's dull beyond belief,
So in its stead I thought we'd have a nice sirloin of beef.

And so I placed our order, I did it weeks ahead,
I told the guy, "not turkey, we're having beef instead",
He said "I know the feeling, it's really not absurd",
I'll have it all quite ready on December twenty-third".

Early that day I got there, the shop was in a flap,
They handed me the joint of beef in double plastic wrap,
I didn't think to argue, we'd had their meat before,
And now the queue of people stretched right outside the door.

And so I paid the butcher's bill, 'twas really quite obscene,
With eighty-two pounds for the beef and total two-fourteen,
And so I brought the goodies home for Sue to put away,
Forgetting all about the beef 'till early Christmas Day.

Then on that day Sue called me and said to me "I think,
That beef you got the other day is making quite a stink".
I stuck my nose against it - it seemed to me quite clear,
That fragrant food for Christmas just simply wasn't here.

I may be dull, I may be daft, some call me quite a bore,
But when it all comes down to it, I'm quite a carnivore,
Being just a veggie is a concept I'd really come to hate,
But looming up before me was just veg upon my plate.

'Twas walking with the dog I saw a way this could be made to mend,
For in that time it came to me that Google was my friend.
And come home and in a trice I found I need not fret,
I'd got the butcher's home address right off the Internet.

I rang him up and asked him (I'd caught him on the hop),
And he agreed to change the meat if I went to his shop.
So that is how it came to be that I was waiting there,
Attracting from the church folk a most bewildered stare.

The butcher cut another joint, he didn't seem too mad,
Although he said the joint I'd got was really not that bad.
We got a good replacement, which we could cook and eat,
And ended up for Christmas with truly first class meat.

I feared that lunch at Christmas would turn out as a flop,
But all was rectified at once by a visit to that shop,
I liked my lunch - so tasty - I was a happy chap,
All washed as was the dinner down with Chateauneuf du Pape.

[ Reply to This | # ]

SCO Sues Santa Claus, by Monsieur Bobo
Authored by: Anonymous on Monday, December 26 2005 @ 08:10 AM EST
Roomsaid Joulu Phui ja Uut Aastat

Rõõmsaid jõulupühi ja head uut aastat

Hyvaa joula ja Onnellista Uutta Voutta

Hyvää joulua ja onnellista uutta vuotta

[ Reply to This | # ]

"This is a business"
Authored by: Anonymous on Monday, December 26 2005 @ 12:26 PM EST
Waitaminute. Didn't they try to excuse their ignoring a court ordered deadline
on the grounds that they were busy sitting around the fireplace singing
Christmas carols? Now they admit that they weren't. Somebody should be getting
coal in his in-basket...by registered mail.

[ Reply to This | # ]

One question:
Authored by: Anonymous on Tuesday, December 27 2005 @ 06:38 AM EST
When can we expect the renewed renewed motion for discovery on SCO IP in shipped
packages? :D

[ Reply to This | # ]

I wonder why no one thought of this:
Authored by: Anonymous on Tuesday, December 27 2005 @ 07:56 AM EST
Try using the concept of 'packages' and 'trees'

Edit: well, I saw packages somewhere, now someone provide the tree humor!

[ Reply to This | # ]

saltydogmn sues Monsieur Bobo for IP theft
Authored by: saltydogmn on Tuesday, December 27 2005 @ 11:38 AM EST
Man, I just can't get a break - after all those "Latest SCOX press
release" posts of mine over at the Yahoo stock board, then some IP thief
comes along and harshes my gig. I'm shocked, shocked, I tell you! I think I'll
get Boies right on the case - it's a guaranteed victory.


(Note - the preceeding post was (yet another lame attempt at) sarcasm, and
should not be taken seriously. Just like SCOX.)

[ Reply to This | # ]

Good to see
Authored by: cricketjeff on Tuesday, December 27 2005 @ 11:39 AM EST
Sanity has returned to Groklaw after an earlier example of denying the existance
of one of the world's most important civic leaders, now we have reporting of an
important case involving the fat old elf.
We will know that SCO are finally buried when they sue the Mormon church for not
including the right to other abuse people's intellectual property in the Book of
Mormon!

[ Reply to This | # ]

  • Good to see - Authored by: PJ on Tuesday, December 27 2005 @ 08:43 PM EST
    • Doh - Authored by: Anonymous on Tuesday, December 27 2005 @ 10:55 PM EST
SCO Sues Santa Claus, by Monsieur Bobo
Authored by: Anonymous on Thursday, December 29 2005 @ 08:18 PM EST
You forgot the obligatory disclaimer for the humour-impaired.

[ Reply to This | # ]

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