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| SCO Sues Santa Claus, by Monsieur Bobo |
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Sunday, December 25 2005 @ 12:02 AM EST
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Lindon, Utah
December 25, 2005
The SCO Group, owners of the Unix operating system and
every operating
system that vaguely resembles Unix, announced today
that it has filed
suit against S. Claus Industries headquartered at the
North Pole for
violation of its intellectual property.
"Mr. Claus
was an early
licensee of Unix and ran his entire operation on Unix
systems," SCO
representative Blake Stowell said. "About 10 years
ago, he stopped
sending royalty checks, and we discovered that he had
illegally
migrated to Linux".
SCO concluded that he had stolen numerous features of
Unix and
incorporated them into his business. Mr. Stowell noted
that "Santa's
elves" are merely an obfuscated copy of the Unix
concept of
"daemons". In addition, he asserted that previously
Mr. Claus had
only used a single big reindeer, but was now using
eight tiny reindeer
instead, an idea that he clearly stole from the SysV
implementation of
SMP. Mr. Claus denied the allegation. "The truth is
that I was having
a couple of beers with my buddy, Donald Becker, and
when he learned
that there were hundreds of tiny reindeer available,
he suggested I
build a Beowulf cluster out of them". Claus also
admitted that he had
migrated his back office operations from SCO
Openserver to Linux.
"You just can't keep track of whether 6 billion people
have been
naughty or nice on an antiquated 32 bit operating
system" he said.
Mr. Stowell countered, "We don't have any business
process patents,
or any other kind of patents either for that matter,
but if we did,
Claus would clearly be in violation of them".
In addition to stealing features of Unix to run his
business, SCO also
alleges that Claus violated his Unix contract by
leaking methods and
concepts of Unix to Professor Andrew Tanenbaum and
Linus Torvalds who
subsequently used them in their own operating systems.
"All we are
saying is look at the map." Stowell said. "All of
these individuals
were located really far north, and it doesn't take an
MIT rocket scientist
to figure out what must have happened."
"This will really rock the Christmas gift industry,"
analyst Laura
DiDio said. "Given the cloud hanging over Claus, I'm
recommending that
people give Microsoft products, and only Microsoft
products, as gifts
this year".
Analyst Rob Enderle stated that he wasn't surprised. "The fact is
that I could always count on Bill Gates to throw
buckets of money at
me, and Claus never gave me anything."
SCO President Darl McBride defended the lawsuit while
acknowledging
that it would be unpopular. "Look, we aren't all
sitting around the
fireplace singing Christmas carols. This is a
business," he said. "We
don't want Claus to change his business. We just think
we should get a
cut of every package he delivers."
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| Authored by: nsomos on Sunday, December 25 2005 @ 12:07 AM EST |
| If there are any corrections, please post them here. [ Reply to This | # ]
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| Authored by: nsomos on Sunday, December 25 2005 @ 12:09 AM EST |
This would be the place to post off-topic.
Try to use clickable links if possible.
Follow the example in red at bottom of reply box.[ Reply to This | # ]
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- Semi off-topic..... - Authored by: tiger99 on Sunday, December 25 2005 @ 06:56 AM EST
- Best Wishes fro a Beautiful Red Dress - Authored by: Anonymous on Sunday, December 25 2005 @ 08:42 AM EST
- OFF TOPIC! - Authored by: Anonymous on Sunday, December 25 2005 @ 12:04 PM EST
- p2p Merry Christmas - Authored by: bbaston on Sunday, December 25 2005 @ 01:42 PM EST
- Just a thought about covering any trial - Authored by: Anonymous on Sunday, December 25 2005 @ 03:18 PM EST
- Mom fights downloading suit on her own - Authored by: Anonymous on Monday, December 26 2005 @ 05:05 AM EST
- Surviving without Microsoft - Authored by: Anonymous on Monday, December 26 2005 @ 05:15 AM EST
- RIAA: Bad Music - A great economic asset? - Authored by: SpaceLifeForm on Monday, December 26 2005 @ 02:03 PM EST
- Walk our talk - How to comply with GNU - Authored by: Anonymous on Monday, December 26 2005 @ 06:03 PM EST
- I Hate HTML But... - Authored by: jplatt39 on Tuesday, December 27 2005 @ 09:57 AM EST
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| Authored by: The Mad Hatter r on Sunday, December 25 2005 @ 12:18 AM EST |
It almost sounds real.
Wayne
---
Wayne
http://urbanterrorist.blogspot.com/
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| Authored by: Saturn on Sunday, December 25 2005 @ 12:50 AM EST |
Its all bluff.
Darl is Santa Claus. He's been distributing Linux to kids under the GPL (Gifts
and Presents License) for years.
That's why all the discovery is has been filed under seal - imagine if kids
discovered who Santa *really* was.
---
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My own opinion, and very humble one too.
Which is probably why I'm not a lawyer.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~[ Reply to This | # ]
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| Authored by: bbaston on Sunday, December 25 2005 @ 01:09 AM EST |
| ... have a great Christmas, Pamela!
And a great New Year!
---
Ben,
Groklawian in training
IMBW, IANAL2, IMHO, IAVO
imaybewrong, iamnotalawyertoo, inmyhumbleopinion, iamveryold
Have you donated to Groklaw this month? [ Reply to This | # ]
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| Authored by: Anonymous on Sunday, December 25 2005 @ 01:27 AM EST |
Donald Becker is a member of our local LUG. I don't think that he'd be too happy
being dragged into this dispute.
Please try to respect the rights and privacy of those not connected with the SCO
litigations.
Thank you.[ Reply to This | # ]
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- Donald Becker - Authored by: Anonymous on Sunday, December 25 2005 @ 03:12 AM EST
- Donald Becker - Authored by: Anonymous on Sunday, December 25 2005 @ 03:13 AM EST
- Donald Becker - Authored by: Anonymous on Sunday, December 25 2005 @ 04:55 AM EST
- Donald Becker - Authored by: Anonymous on Monday, December 26 2005 @ 01:29 AM EST
- Donald Becker - Authored by: tredman on Sunday, December 25 2005 @ 11:39 AM EST
- there are 459 Donald Beckers listed in the U.S.A. alone.. - Authored by: Anonymous on Sunday, December 25 2005 @ 11:48 AM EST
- Just imagine... - Authored by: Anonymous on Sunday, December 25 2005 @ 12:45 PM EST
- "not connected" ? - Authored by: ak on Sunday, December 25 2005 @ 01:30 PM EST
- The Standard Anonymous Quip - Authored by: Anonymous on Sunday, December 25 2005 @ 01:32 PM EST
- Santa Claus - Authored by: Saturn on Sunday, December 25 2005 @ 01:45 PM EST
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| Authored by: Anonymous on Sunday, December 25 2005 @ 01:32 AM EST |
Such an ungrateful wretch. To show his appreciation this way for all those
years being kept warm by Santa's nice coal.
[ Reply to This | # ]
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| Authored by: Anonymous on Sunday, December 25 2005 @ 01:37 AM EST |
For all the ink she squeezed out of SCO, you'ld think she could recommend a SCO
mousepad or a coaster.
[ Reply to This | # ]
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| Authored by: MikeA on Sunday, December 25 2005 @ 01:38 AM EST |
Happy Holidays guys. =D
---
Change is merely the opportunity for improvement.[ Reply to This | # ]
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| Authored by: Anonymous on Sunday, December 25 2005 @ 02:31 AM EST |
Must be a slow day for News and updates.
:-)
Happy Holidays!!![ Reply to This | # ]
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| Authored by: Anonymous on Sunday, December 25 2005 @ 02:37 AM EST |
Cool!
Craig[ Reply to This | # ]
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| Authored by: Cassandra on Sunday, December 25 2005 @ 06:28 AM EST |
| I hope Santa leaves you a sense of humor under the tree. [ Reply to This | # ]
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- Spoil Sport - Authored by: Anonymous on Sunday, December 25 2005 @ 03:52 PM EST
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| Authored by: Anonymous on Sunday, December 25 2005 @ 06:52 AM EST |
the immaturity of your response seems to indicate you are the last person who
should be telling anyone to grow up. This board is dedicated to civil discourse
HAppy Festivus to all![ Reply to This | # ]
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| Authored by: Anonymous on Sunday, December 25 2005 @ 06:59 AM EST |
When I was a child, I had on several occcasions been good for the entire year,
yet felt that the quantity an gross value of the received presents was low
considering the level of good behaviour. Similarly, I had fellow children in my
class, who despite a long list of midsdemeanours, received significant present
doantions.
This always puzzled me .. until now.
Old Claus (recently renamed The Claus Group) was running his CRM system on
OpenSewer, no wonder it was always in a mess!
I hear he's now running SugarCRM on Linux, which should be better and the
savings can be used to fund an increase in the present budget.[ Reply to This | # ]
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- Missing presents now explained! - Authored by: Anonymous on Sunday, December 25 2005 @ 08:36 AM EST
- Like I care - Authored by: Anonymous on Sunday, December 25 2005 @ 10:44 AM EST
- Like I care - Authored by: Anonymous on Sunday, December 25 2005 @ 10:57 AM EST
- Like I care - Authored by: Anonymous on Sunday, December 25 2005 @ 01:30 PM EST
- Like I care - Authored by: PJ on Sunday, December 25 2005 @ 01:59 PM EST
- PS - Authored by: PJ on Sunday, December 25 2005 @ 02:01 PM EST
- I fully understnad the GPL - Authored by: Anonymous on Sunday, December 25 2005 @ 04:06 PM EST
- And while im on .. ;) - Authored by: Anonymous on Sunday, December 25 2005 @ 04:21 PM EST
- followup - Authored by: Anonymous on Sunday, December 25 2005 @ 04:33 PM EST
- Just don't call it Open Source - Authored by: Anonymous on Sunday, December 25 2005 @ 05:01 PM EST
- Why not? - Authored by: Anonymous on Sunday, December 25 2005 @ 05:10 PM EST
- Because of Trademark Law - Authored by: Anonymous on Sunday, December 25 2005 @ 06:24 PM EST
- Why not? - Authored by: Arker on Monday, December 26 2005 @ 01:44 AM EST
- Why not? - Authored by: Anonymous on Tuesday, December 27 2005 @ 10:54 AM EST
- Like I care - Authored by: Anonymous on Sunday, December 25 2005 @ 05:14 PM EST
- Like I care - Authored by: Anonymous on Sunday, December 25 2005 @ 06:36 PM EST
- Are we done now? - Authored by: Anonymous on Monday, December 26 2005 @ 04:30 PM EST
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| Authored by: SilverWave on Sunday, December 25 2005 @ 07:29 AM EST |
Just getting ready for Xmas lunch with my family and wanted to stop by and whish
everyone a Happy Xmas (exept SCO :P )
Then I had to read this great post LOL.
Its only funny because its sooo close to real life :)
... any way.. thanks for the laugh and this is to wish everyone a Merry Xmas.
As our family toast goes...
I wish you all..
Health..
Wealth..
And happiness…
for The Christmas and the New Year.
From SilverWave and Family
Have a nice Christmas PJ!
---
"They [each] put in one hour of work,
but because they share the end results
they get nine hours... for free"
Firstmonday 98 interview with Linus Torvalds[ Reply to This | # ]
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- Xmas? - Authored by: Anonymous on Sunday, December 25 2005 @ 04:00 PM EST
- It's legit - Authored by: Anonymous on Sunday, December 25 2005 @ 07:45 PM EST
- Xmas? - Authored by: Weeble on Sunday, December 25 2005 @ 07:50 PM EST
- Xmas? - Authored by: Anonymous on Sunday, December 25 2005 @ 10:13 PM EST
- Xmas? - Authored by: Kevin on Monday, December 26 2005 @ 12:00 PM EST
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| Authored by: Anonymous on Sunday, December 25 2005 @ 08:07 AM EST |
| what do you matter,anyway [ Reply to This | # ]
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| Authored by: PR3J on Sunday, December 25 2005 @ 08:11 AM EST |
Feliz Natal a todos.
The phrase can be in Portuguese, but what it means do not depend on languages...
Feliz natal.
---
PR3J
----
"[T]he IQ of a mob is the IQ of its most stupid member, divided by the number of
mobsters." - Terry Pratchet - Maskerade[ Reply to This | # ]
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| Authored by: nuthead on Sunday, December 25 2005 @ 08:49 AM EST |
I also have noticed a disturbing trend (for quite some time now). Some people
think what they have to say REALLY matters to vast majority of others and insist
on trying to shove it down everyone else's throat. My recommendation to you is,
take your own advice, lighten up and next time you wonder if we really care to
hear your profanity, know without a doubt the answer is a resounding
"NO". ;)[ Reply to This | # ]
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| Authored by: Latesigner on Sunday, December 25 2005 @ 08:52 AM EST |
... but I can't pass up the chance to wish you all a "Merry
Christmas".
---
The only way to have an "ownership" society is to make slaves of the rest of us.[ Reply to This | # ]
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| Authored by: Anonymous on Sunday, December 25 2005 @ 09:07 AM EST |
| What? [ Reply to This | # ]
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| Authored by: techiem2 on Sunday, December 25 2005 @ 10:21 AM EST |
Ah! Such wonderful humor. This and today's UserFriendly have been a great start to
my day.
Merry Christmas to all![ Reply to This | # ]
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| Authored by: Anonymous on Sunday, December 25 2005 @ 10:31 AM EST |
Inevitable that SCO would bring out the 'Santa Clause', I suppose.
I wonder why St. Nick didn't consider a reindeer HURD? [ Reply to This | # ]
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| Authored by: Anonymous on Sunday, December 25 2005 @ 10:54 AM EST |
Sad that this story is no more or less plausible than some of the fiction coming
out of SCO for the past couple of years.
Merry Christmas to PJ and all! Thank you very, very much for covering this very
entertaining drama.
[ Reply to This | # ]
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| Authored by: Anonymous on Sunday, December 25 2005 @ 11:30 AM EST |
To PJ and everybody here
Nadolig Llawen
Happy Christmas
Feliz Navidad
Tufty
Shortly to be stufffed with Turkey - yum!
[ Reply to This | # ]
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| Authored by: ilde on Sunday, December 25 2005 @ 02:46 PM EST |
Happy Christmas everybody!
And a very happy and healthy new year.
--------
ilde.[ Reply to This | # ]
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| Authored by: oldgreybeard on Sunday, December 25 2005 @ 03:16 PM EST |
Monsieur Bobo you have it summed up rather well.
In keeping with the season.
Health, long life, and good friends.
God Jul[ Reply to This | # ]
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| Authored by: subdude on Sunday, December 25 2005 @ 03:32 PM EST |
Merry Christmas to PJ and ALL the Groklawyers that make Groklaw the invaluable
resource that it is.
Your efforts are appreciated.
Dude
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| Authored by: Walter Dnes on Sunday, December 25 2005 @ 03:51 PM EST |
Actually, I was expecting a lawsuit by Wallace. How can a gift manufacturer
hope to sell anything, when there's this fat bearded hippie in a red suit
(commie influence) giving stuff away for free?[ Reply to This | # ]
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| Authored by: Anonymous on Sunday, December 25 2005 @ 05:02 PM EST |
What's this thing at the bottom?
It's alright, that's in every contract!
That's what they call the 'Sanity Clause.'
You can't fool me, I know there
ain't no Sanity Clause
From "A Night at the Opera" by SCO^H^H^HThe Marx
Brothers[ Reply to This | # ]
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| Authored by: IRJustman on Sunday, December 25 2005 @ 10:55 PM EST |
Since I do not appear to show hiragana and katakana, I'll write my greeting in
Hepburn
ME-RI- KURISUMASU, minna-san~!
(My preferred alternate language is Japanese since it was literally my second
language which I learned during my three and a half years in Japan as a child.)
--Ian.[ Reply to This | # ]
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| Authored by: jmc on Monday, December 26 2005 @ 06:27 AM EST |
In the bleak midwinter while frosty wind makes moan,
I'm standing by a butcher's shop and feeling all alone,
The faithful make their way to church and look at me and say,
"What is that loony doing there upon this Christmas Day?".
The reason that I'm standing there, the cause of all my fate,
Was my concern at Christmas about the food I ate,
I think that turkey's boring, it's dull beyond belief,
So in its stead I thought we'd have a nice sirloin of beef.
And so I placed our order, I did it weeks ahead,
I told the guy, "not turkey, we're having beef instead",
He said "I know the feeling, it's really not absurd",
I'll have it all quite ready on December twenty-third".
Early that day I got there, the shop was in a flap,
They handed me the joint of beef in double plastic wrap,
I didn't think to argue, we'd had their meat before,
And now the queue of people stretched right outside the door.
And so I paid the butcher's bill, 'twas really quite obscene,
With eighty-two pounds for the beef and total two-fourteen,
And so I brought the goodies home for Sue to put away,
Forgetting all about the beef 'till early Christmas Day.
Then on that day Sue called me and said to me "I think,
That beef you got the other day is making quite a stink".
I stuck my nose against it - it seemed to me quite clear,
That fragrant food for Christmas just simply wasn't here.
I may be dull, I may be daft, some call me quite a bore,
But when it all comes down to it, I'm quite a carnivore,
Being just a veggie is a concept I'd really come to hate,
But looming up before me was just veg upon my plate.
'Twas walking with the dog I saw a way this could be made to mend,
For in that time it came to me that Google was my friend.
And come home and in a trice I found I need not fret,
I'd got the butcher's home address right off the Internet.
I rang him up and asked him (I'd caught him on the hop),
And he agreed to change the meat if I went to his shop.
So that is how it came to be that I was waiting there,
Attracting from the church folk a most bewildered stare.
The butcher cut another joint, he didn't seem too mad,
Although he said the joint I'd got was really not that bad.
We got a good replacement, which we could cook and eat,
And ended up for Christmas with truly first class meat.
I feared that lunch at Christmas would turn out as a flop,
But all was rectified at once by a visit to that shop,
I liked my lunch - so tasty - I was a happy chap,
All washed as was the dinner down with Chateauneuf du Pape.
[ Reply to This | # ]
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| Authored by: Anonymous on Monday, December 26 2005 @ 08:10 AM EST |
| Roomsaid Joulu Phui ja Uut Aastat
Rõõmsaid jõulupühi ja head uut
aastat
Hyvaa joula ja Onnellista Uutta Voutta
Hyvää joulua ja
onnellista uutta vuotta
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| Authored by: Anonymous on Monday, December 26 2005 @ 12:26 PM EST |
Waitaminute. Didn't they try to excuse their ignoring a court ordered deadline
on the grounds that they were busy sitting around the fireplace singing
Christmas carols? Now they admit that they weren't. Somebody should be getting
coal in his in-basket...by registered mail.[ Reply to This | # ]
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| Authored by: Anonymous on Tuesday, December 27 2005 @ 06:38 AM EST |
When can we expect the renewed renewed motion for discovery on SCO IP in shipped
packages? :D[ Reply to This | # ]
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| Authored by: Anonymous on Tuesday, December 27 2005 @ 07:56 AM EST |
Try using the concept of 'packages' and 'trees'
Edit: well, I saw packages somewhere, now someone provide the tree humor![ Reply to This | # ]
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| Authored by: saltydogmn on Tuesday, December 27 2005 @ 11:38 AM EST |
Man, I just can't get a break - after all those "Latest SCOX press
release" posts of mine over at the Yahoo stock board, then some IP thief
comes along and harshes my gig. I'm shocked, shocked, I tell you! I think I'll
get Boies right on the case - it's a guaranteed victory.
(Note - the preceeding post was (yet another lame attempt at) sarcasm, and
should not be taken seriously. Just like SCOX.)[ Reply to This | # ]
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| Authored by: cricketjeff on Tuesday, December 27 2005 @ 11:39 AM EST |
Sanity has returned to Groklaw after an earlier example of denying the existance
of one of the world's most important civic leaders, now we have reporting of an
important case involving the fat old elf.
We will know that SCO are finally buried when they sue the Mormon church for not
including the right to other abuse people's intellectual property in the Book of
Mormon![ Reply to This | # ]
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- Good to see - Authored by: PJ on Tuesday, December 27 2005 @ 08:43 PM EST
- Doh - Authored by: Anonymous on Tuesday, December 27 2005 @ 10:55 PM EST
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| Authored by: Anonymous on Thursday, December 29 2005 @ 08:18 PM EST |
| You forgot the obligatory disclaimer for the humour-impaired. [ Reply to This | # ]
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