|
|
| A Parody Press Release |
 |
|
Sunday, April 18 2004 @ 10:46 AM EDT
|
Groklaw reader MikeA has contributed a parody press release. He left it as a comment on an earlier story, and I thought it was so funny I asked him if he'd let me put it up here, and he graciously agreed. Enjoy, and remember, it's just a joke, just for fun.
****************************************************
The SCO(R) Group, Inc. Announces New Headquarters In Brazil.
LINDON, Utah, April 19 /PRNewsywire-FirstCall -- The SCO Group, Inc. ("SCO") (Nasdaq: SCOX - News), the "owner" of the UNIX operating system, the C++ coding language and inventor of the question mark ("?") announced today that it has opened its new global headquarters office in Rio De Janeiro. Effective immediately, all senior staff, executive officers and directors are being transferred to the new headquarters, located within the posh financial district at 1942 Extraditione Way. The SCO Group has successfully leased the former headquarters office space in Lindon Utah to a West-coast software development firm which recently began seeking smaller venues due to expected layoffs. Remaining personnel and support staff from all SCO international offices, including Germany and Australia, are expected to move into the new offices in late June after a Stock Incentive Plan is finalized and fully funded.
Darl McBride, CEO, explained that this was a unique opportunity and strategic move for the company to concentrate the knowledge base of the firm and reduce overhead expenses at the same time. "This is a new age that we live in today," McBride said, talking from his flight via SkyPhone en route to the Brazilian city. "This is a world without borders. The internet has shown us that there are no such things as political boundaries anymore, and if you don't wake up to this new reality, you are going to be left behind, without protection, all alone, branded by some pirate cattle-rustler who is going to sell your body -- which is your personal property by the way -- to every and any slaughterhouse which can get their hands on your God-given rights and distribute your flesh throughout the world to each and every supermarket in the world, or McDonalds, which, by the way, is a customer of ours."
McBride's vision was echoed and heralded by many in the IT industry including Laura DiDiot of the independent consulting firm YankeeGoHome Group, and Rob Pretenderle, formerly of the Pretenderle Group but who now heads the newly formed Pretenderle ParaSailing and Beach Towel Rental Group. "Yes...what?...I said, yes...we think it is a brilliant move on...Darl..let go of the phone!..it's MY turn....get me another drink......I was saying it is a brilliant move on the part of SCO. Can you hear me? Hello??" explained Laura DiDiot, apparently on the same flight. Others in the IT industry, however, expressed some reservations about the move. "It makes a lot of sense from a dollar-value standpoint to reduce the overhead costs of office space and labor wages, but I question their choice of country," added one, who asked not to be named. "I mean, why Brazil? The entire country there has just formally switched to using GNU/Linux. They will not be very welcome there. I am trying to think of another reason why they would pick THAT country."
SCO remained undaunted by their critics. "This is about the new world paradigm." McBride explained. "Millions of the greatest U.S. corporations have moved their operations overseas. It is the natural selection of the capitalistic model -- to make money -- because that is our right, secured by the Constitution. Our forefathers wanted it this way. Otherwise they wouldn't have written it! But if I took the Constitution, and copied large parts of it, and then changed it to give-away copied versions in books at Borders bookstores, lots of people would want it because it is really good, but our Founding Fathers would be cheated. They would be forced to go after Borders and its customers because.....No, she ordered the gin and tonic, mine is the Mimosa.....because that is our right to make money under the very Constitution that was stolen in the first place and copied. You see how it works? And Borders bookstores could not possibly be as successful as they are if they hadn't been giving away plagiarized copies of the Constitution, so obviously something is very wrong here. And if we let that happen, what's going to be next? The Declaration of Independence?? We have to stop this now, before the terrorists and other hippie elements steal and rewrite the Bill of Rights, or even worse, the Bible."
News of the strategic move was welcomed on Wall Street, where shares of SCO stock rose sharply for a few brief moments before being de-listed.
Forward-Looking Statements
This press release contains forward-looking statements related to SCO's mistaken belief that it owns the UNIX Operating System, even though for some strange reason they still pay 95% of their Unix-related revenues to Novell.
About SCO
The SCO Group (Nasdaq: SCOX - News) helps millions of people in over 82 countries laugh. Headquartered in Lindon, Utah, er... Rio De Janeiro, SCO has a worldwide network of more than 3 shills and 4 MIT Spectral Analysts. SCO Global Services provides reliable PR support and services to financial analysts and uninformed investors worldwide. For more information on SCO products and services, visit http://www.groklaw.net.
|
|
|
|
| Authored by: Anonymous on Sunday, April 18 2004 @ 11:13 AM EDT |
| Seems to me Nigeria would be more appropriate? [ Reply to This | # ]
|
| |
| Authored by: Anonymous on Sunday, April 18 2004 @ 11:30 AM EDT |
| The capital of Brazil is Brasilia - not Rio de Janeiro. [ Reply to This | # ]
|
| |
| Authored by: Anonymous on Sunday, April 18 2004 @ 11:54 AM EDT |
>what's going to be next? The Declaration of Independence?? We >have to
stop this now, before the terrorists and other hippie >elements steal and
rewrite the Bill of Rights, or even worse, >the Bible."
For Darl, don't you mean the book of Mormon?
Like it matters. It's not like he follows what those books say anyhow.[ Reply to This | # ]
|
| |
| Authored by: cflange on Sunday, April 18 2004 @ 11:55 AM EDT |
| It seems my comment to the parent thread of
MikeA came too late.
---
Who is General Failure, and why is he reading my
disk?
[ Reply to This | # ]
|
| |
| Authored by: Anonymous on Sunday, April 18 2004 @ 12:02 PM EDT |
Actually, Brazil is embracing open source rather enthusiastically these days, as
is the rest of the world. I don't think there's anywhere SCO can hide.
I think Conectiva is based in Brazil, too.[ Reply to This | # ]
|
| |
| Authored by: Anonymous on Sunday, April 18 2004 @ 12:11 PM EDT |
The problem with this, is that Darl is entirely too coherent. He doesn't make
nearly that much sense in real life.[ Reply to This | # ]
|
| |
| Authored by: the_flatlander on Sunday, April 18 2004 @ 12:19 PM EDT |
Nice shooting! LOL
Yep. It was a tough week for the SCOundrels. I can hardly wait for next week.
<sarcasm>I sure do hope IBM has supplied them with all the discovery
materials the SCOundrels needed.</sarcasm> I'd hate to think of the
SCOundrels being denied the swiftest possible justice.[Measures out out about 20
feet of 3/4 inch manila rope. Grins]
The Flatlander[ Reply to This | # ]
|
- Now, now... - Authored by: Ed L. on Sunday, April 18 2004 @ 12:38 PM EDT
- LOL - Authored by: Anonymous on Sunday, April 18 2004 @ 06:56 PM EDT
- LOL - Authored by: Anonymous on Sunday, April 18 2004 @ 09:37 PM EDT
| |
| Authored by: Anonymous on Sunday, April 18 2004 @ 12:46 PM EDT |
Folks seem to believe a bankruptcy filing would allow SCO to escape unscathed.
Not necessarily. There are real risks for SCO in a bankruptcy filing.
One paragraph of background -- Bankruptcies in the U.S. are handled in a
separate court that is a subset of the trial court. For instance, Bankruptcy
Court appeals usually go to the District Court before they go to the Circuit
Court of Appeals. Theoretically, Kimball could hear a bankruptcy appeal, though
another district judge could, too.
This bankruptcy judge could appoint an independent trustee to run the debtor
company. This would mean Darl would no longer be in charge. The judge could also
leave SCO as a "debtor in possession." This would leave Darl in
charge, but he still would need the Bankruptcy Court's permission to do a lot of
things, including new litigation.
The Bankruptcy Court could also seize any "unjust enrichment" that
company executive may have enjoyed. You'll recall that IBM is claiming that SCO
did just that.
Other courts' judgments could be delayed, but not nullified. IBM can still win
its case, and this would establish IBM's rights with respect to other creditors.
I'm unsure of the pecking order for this, but IBM would definitely want to
participate in the bankruptcy proceedings.
Finally, not all bankruptcy petitions are granted. The court could rule that the
debts still exist and the debtor company must pay them.
In any case, if Kimball rules, outside of the bankruptcy proceedings, that SCO
does not possess the rights it claims, that ruling would be binding on the
Bankruptcy Court in how assets are distributed -- in this case, it would be
found that an asset does not exist.
In short, a bankruptcy filing could cost SCO its independence. I don't think
that's something they want to do.
[ Reply to This | # ]
|
| |
| Authored by: haegarth on Sunday, April 18 2004 @ 01:01 PM EDT |
Sometimes, when I visit Groklaw, there's nothing new to enjoy. So, on rare
occasions, I start reading older articles and posts. Doing this I, once again,
stumbled over the alleged breaches SCO accuses IBM of.
One of those funny explanations hit me just now, I don't know whether this has
already been mentioned, so forgive me if I repeat something here...
SCO argue that, before the 2.4 kernel, Linux hadn't been able to scale on SMP
machines too well, and state, ridiculous as that sounds, that the progress of
the 2.4 kernel in that particular area must have been due to some stolen code
from their Unix brand (or even System V).
Now I don't now too much about SCO's products, admittedly, but AFAIR they are
being used on smaller X86 systems only, which wouldn't sport much more than a
single CPU, would they? So it seems funny to assume that these OS products would
have been coded to make an advantage out of multiprocessor computers at all. In
respect of System V this seems even more ridiculous, considering how old that
code is. IBM, on the other hand, has some decades of experience dealing with
machines containing up to 10 CPUs until the late 90's (running MVS/XA or
OS/390), so they should not be in need of borrowing anything in that area from
SCO's code, should they?
Thus, if I'm right, one of their key arguments (at least as long as they keep
resisting to show any specific examples of stolen or copied code) could be
easily contradicted by non-features of their own code.
Could anyone with some decent knowledge of the operating systems in question
take a look and comment on that? Thx.
---
Everytime I read SCOspeak I'm dumbfounded...[ Reply to This | # ]
|
| |
| Authored by: Anonymous on Sunday, April 18 2004 @ 01:28 PM EDT |
While McBride and/or SCOG may claim to own the
Constitution of the US, I know from my experiences in
Brazil that they (the Brazilians) generally don't give a
toss about what happens outside their county. They have
far more important things to worry about: Sex, Soccer and
Samba - not necessarily in that order.
Also I don't think that a Patent or Copyright, filed
elsewhere in the world, would mean much to anyone there
especially if it isn't written in Portuguese.
Not to detract from MikeA's excellent parody, I feel for
the Brazilians in anticipation of the proposed move, and I
feel that somewhere in the Middle East would be less
likely to attract attention to these 'would be'
terrorists. [ Reply to This | # ]
|
| |
| Authored by: josmith42 on Sunday, April 18 2004 @ 07:53 PM EDT |
The parody on SCO has been done before, take a look at
www.sco.com for details.
Before
embarking on a parody project such as this, you
really have should have done
more research on previous
work.
You are diving in head first
without checking how deep
(or shallow) the water is. That's how necks and
heads get
broken.
I for one am not going to support your endeavor,
and
will actively work against it. It is a waste of effort that
duplicates
work that has already been done. ---
Forty-two: the answer to the
question of life, the universe, and everything. [ Reply to This | # ]
|
| |
| Authored by: dcs on Sunday, April 18 2004 @ 09:35 PM EDT |
Yes, brazilians do love open source software (except pointy-haired management,
of course, like in the rest of the world), but...
The brazilian supreme court has recently declared a state law giving precedence
to OSS on public licitations unconstitutional. On at least one point their
decision effectively precludes any such law (the constitution specifically
mandates lowest bidder precedence for public licitations). Kinda stone in the
path of the present government plans...
---
Daniel C. Sobral
[ Reply to This | # ]
|
| |
| Authored by: Anonymous on Sunday, April 18 2004 @ 09:49 PM EDT |
This press release reminded of something I read many years ago. So I went to my
bookshelf and pulled down "The American Heritage History of the Great
West" (1966). It describes when Brigham Young took his followers, who were
suffering what they believed was persecution (the book discusses whether it
really was), and led them west, to a place he had selected but would not tell
them where it was until they got there. It was Mexican territory when they
began in 1846. He calculated that his group could gain strength before large
numbers of immigrants arrived and resumed their persecutions. Especially the
American government. But a strange thing happened. By the time he got there in
1847, it was American. On their way, it says, "The Saints quarreled and
grumbled ... But most held fast, inspired by the endless prayers, threats,
fervors, and psychological tricks of Brigham Young and the Twelve Apostles. ...
[They had] a faith in the utter rightness of what they were doing." I see
lots of parallels between that story and this modern one.
Tom Mathews (I still haven't created an account. If you think this is
completely off topic, feel free to delete it.)[ Reply to This | # ]
|
| |
| Authored by: mobrien_12 on Monday, April 19 2004 @ 03:01 AM EDT |
As in Discovery Day? I'm far past the point where I expect SCO to actually
provide discovery, but I'm interested in what excuse they offer this time, and
whether or not the judge starts slapping fines on SCO for non-compliance.
[ Reply to This | # ]
|
| |
| Authored by: MikeA on Monday, April 19 2004 @ 06:58 AM EDT |
| I have to say I am quite interested by the response to the parody press release.
PJ told me she was going to post it, and I have to admit I was eager to get back
to a computer to see people’s responses. In true GrokLaw fashion (and a bit to
my naïve surprise) it had been thoroughly questioned, cross-examined and
dissected in ways I never anticipated. In a short order, all of its inaccuracies
(still embarrassed about getting the capitol wrong) and shortcomings had been
discussed, alternatives proposed and various tangents of philosophy concerning
the use of religion and the validity of the GPL on the Moon were argued……….and
this was after PJ had corrected my spelling and typos. Its like having a
pack of piranhas devour something - though some seemed more accurate in their
bites than others.
It is no wonder that GrokLaw has been successful –
when you put a lot of different people on the task of reviewing something, you
get a pretty complete scubbing. (Especially when those people have been
practicing their ‘eye for detail and accuracy’ for about a year) However, I
couldn’t help but get the impression that all of us here at GrokLaw are
seasoned/conditioned to automatically scrutinize and question whatever is put
before us. This could just be my pride talking after having my work reviewed
(which it probably is), but it may also be a result of the highly complex and
detailed level of the legal case we have been following, not to mention the
range of factual accuracy we have dealt with. We are trained to question
everything, and I just thought that was interesting to watch.
On a side
note - the legal system mystifies me somewhat. The idea of using ‘alternate
names’ for the characters in this parody somehow seems more insulting
than using their real names, especially given the nature of their new monikers.
But, I of course defer to PJ on that stuff.
Anyway, back to work. Have to
go study for my Geography test this afternoon. ;)
---
Change is
merely the opportunity for improvement. [ Reply to This | # ]
|
| |
| Authored by: MikeA on Monday, April 19 2004 @ 07:41 AM EDT |
Please, Brasília is the capital
Authored by: cflange on
Sunday, April 18 2004 @ 11:22 AM EDT
A few Brazilians might be offended
by the choice of "destination" in this story, but at least most Brazilians I
know, including myself, have an excellent sense of humor and would find this
story amusing.
If Rio wasn't picked, another city would have to be, and
there would be the same problem. Rio fits the bill nicely, because of infamous
Ronnie Biggs of the Great Train Robbery, who lived there until 2001, when he
went back to the UK to serve his jail time. Afterall, it's not as if Rio is an
exception or anything. If Darl was Brazilian the story would be sending him to
Miami, where another famous robber, impeached former President Collor de Melo
sought refuge in "self-exile".
But what really ticks us off is to call
Rio the *Brazilian capitol*! Since 1960 we are proud to have a *new capital*,
Brasília, a city that was fully planed and built from scratch at the geographic
center of Brazil.
Rio still is one of the most beautiful cities in the
world, the 'capital' of Samba and gorgeous beaches. But, please, no longer the
capital of Brazil.
I apologize - I would like to say the
mistake was due to the fact that it was written in the middle of the night, but
I would have gotten it wrong anyway. My bad. I wasn’t aware that it is a
somewhat tender issue, including the idea of fleeing criminals. I picked Brazil
because (to my knowledge) they have no extradition treaty with the U.S., and I
also thought there was the added irony that the government there was
embracing open-source, which in turn may even be an added attraction to Darl
McBride and his efforts to sue Linux users. It was too much of an opportunity to
pass up. Rio was just the first city that came to mind, and it gave me beaches
for a certain new ParaSailing business....
Worst of all, I failed to
realize that the people of Brazil would be offended that I would send SCO
executives there!!
---
Change is merely the opportunity for
improvement. [ Reply to This | # ]
|
| |
| Authored by: Jack Hughes on Monday, April 19 2004 @ 09:04 AM EDT |
| h
ttp://www.forbes.com/business/2004/04/13/0413microsoftpinnacor_ii.html
I
t manages to cover all the bases - patents, SCO, microsoft, Sun, Copyrights,
quotes for DiDio, etc. etc.
It's strangely fascinating it is conflation of
issues, half truths, fallacies etc.
What is the hidden agenda? and why is
forbes championing it? I ask myself.
Apologies if this has been submitted before
- but I've only just seen it.
[ Reply to This | # ]
|
| |
| Authored by: Anonymous on Monday, April 19 2004 @ 11:09 AM EDT |
OK, I know it's supposed to be a joke, but being a Brazilian living in the US
I'm starting to get tired of this kind of joke. Sure enough, Brazil has its
share of problems, but it doesn't seem fair that only negative news is ever
covered by American media. Usually I ignore jokes about Brazil, but for the
Groklaw crowd I think I can say what I really think: if you want to talk, or
even joke, about Brazil, go do some research first. I assure you there is plenty
of material for good jokes in reality, you don't have to be based on the same
old extradition thing, which by the way was something that happened in the 60's
and has been corrected since then. In the interest of education, here are some
facts that the parody got wrong:
- There are plenty of foreign and
multinational companies with offices in Brazil, but the vast majority is not in
Rio de Janeiro. They're in Sao Paulo, the largest city in the country, largest
in the Southern Hemisphere and 4th largest in the world. Rio de Janeiro is a
vacation destination and an overall bad example of Brazil, even if it's the most
well-known Brazilian city outside Brazil.
- "Extraditione Way" would never
be the name of a street in Rio. Even if they decided to give a street a name
with that meaning, it would probably be called "Rua da Extradição", and it's
possible your computer won't show some characters there correctly. We speak
Portuguese in Brazil, not Spanish or a blend of Spanish and English.
-
Brazil actually is adopting Linux more and more but there's still a long way to
go. Microsoft has as strong a monopoly there as it does here.
That said, I
suspect Darl and gang would actually be welcome in Brazil - although we don't
like thugs and bullies, the country needs the money and the jobs. But if they
tried to pull a SCO there they would most likely get acquainted with the
Brazilian penal system, which does deserve a lot of third-world contries jokes
;-)
Any questions and comments can be sent to may e-mail. The username is
jorge and the domain name is ultimate-tech.net.
[ Reply to This | # ]
|
| |
| Authored by: shadesfox on Monday, April 19 2004 @ 01:39 PM EDT |
The web comic Mega Tokyo has a jab at SCO in their latest comic,
http://www.megatokyo.com/index.php?strip_id=549[ Reply to This | # ]
|
| |
| Authored by: Rodrin on Monday, April 19 2004 @ 01:45 PM EDT |
As long as we're on the subject of parodies: Newforge has a story right now of
the top ten rejected replacement names for Lindows before they chose Linspire.
Here is my list of the top ten rejected names Microsoft considered for Windows:
10. Lock-In
9. Lock Ups
8. Reboots
7. Reinstalls
6. Open Ports
5. Back Doors
4. GPF's
3. Coredumps
2. Bluescreens
1. Petri Dish[ Reply to This | # ]
|
| |
| Authored by: Anonymous on Monday, April 19 2004 @ 07:04 PM EDT |
Microsoft, today, announced a new security initiative code named Ementhaler.
[ Reply to This | # ]
|
| |
| Authored by: mrcreosote on Tuesday, April 20 2004 @ 01:23 AM EDT |
Perhaps, for Darl, it will end like Terry Gilliam's 'Brazil'. We can only
hope....
---
----------
mrcreosote[ Reply to This | # ]
|
|
|
|
|
